My relationship came into a big change recently. My husband and I had to part ways. When a friend asked me to explain I said,
I don’t regret loving him. I always will. But we have some irreconcilable differences that are causing us to hurt each other. And I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I really wish him the best.
At first any attempt to email each other was up and down and all over the map with hurt, emotion and anger. However we’ve managed to turn that into something positive.
I think for the first time we are each facing what we did that failed our relationship. Without pointing it out to each other or casting blame. We are allowing each other to be honest with our feelings and listening to what the other is saying without judgement or a need to feel defensive. We are giving each other the time to digest the really hard stuff before needing an immediate response. And it’s helping us see how we hurt each other. We are each admitting what we are discovering about ourselves even when the realizations are painful. And how they affected our breakdown. And how sad it is that we are apart and will be for a long time.
But we’re emailing constructively now. And encouraging each other to work on ourselves individually. And accepting the place we are at. And being honest about our own problems. And working on our own things while still being able to talk about it.
It feels good to be working on things!