Honesty

I’m a pretty good person. Moral, caring, kind , generous. I’ve only recently began to admit I have a problem with honesty.

I’m not a pathological liar by any means. It’s like this –  if I look you in the eye and tell you what I am saying it truth, it is! I never take or steal from a person! When I finally realize them? I admit my faults and can accept responsibility! I always repay my debts, even if it takes longer than I hope!

However, there are things about me that I don’t share. Some I downright hide. It could be fear of judgement or because I feel shame about some parts of my life.

And I am trying to figure out why. There are a lot of shameful things I share freely with some people but hold back from others. So why can I be honest with some and not others?

A big realization to me is? The only people I am hiding from are the ones who love me the most! My family and my husband. They LOVE me. Why do I fear acceptance from them and accept that feeling I need from people who don’t love me to that depth?

My husband sent this to me:

When a lover tells a truth. It is out of love, not hate that truth was shared. To respond with anger and hate is wrong, since it came from love. The energy must match!! Positive Negative. Responding with love results in understanding and a deeper connection for further growth and maturity.

Our new openness in communicating through writing is so good. I love the honesty but it is challenging for me sometimes. Not because I have things I’m lying about but because I get scared to just say things. So I don’t say them.

I’ve just understood that is deception in itself. One more area I can grow!

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