There are things about me that my husband always knew about my past. I’ve never hidden any part of my sexuality from him. But when I made a commitment to one person, in my own spirit, I felt compelled to give up something in my life. A dirty, “secret” that I enjoyed. The sexy selfie!
I like to dress up sexy, take pictures (selfies). Call me vain but they are mostly for me to look at and remind me I am hot but, I do share them with a few different friends that I know appreciate them! Not appropriate for a marriage, eh?
Our marriage never had a problem in the bedroom. Things were downright amazing. And only now have I realized, even though I was very satisfied, I was missing something . And as part of my new commitment to being honest I talked to him about it in our emails.
I told him I miss that ‘showing off’ part of my life. That I WANT pictures and there are still some friends I might want to share them with. I told him about people in my past I’ve shared pictures with.
He was delighted with my honesty. He never wants to take anything from me. His acceptance had me question, “why is this so important to me?”
I had to explore that before I could share it with him. I felt I need good reasons to say I need to take sexy selfies. I think it is because for so long I let go, by choice, of that fun part of me that likes to look pretty and feel admired without obligation.
I haven’t been wearing make-up. I wear sweat pants and PJs all the time. Stopped shaving anything. And he was still sexually attracted so it seemed okay. But it wasn’t. Because I wasn’t finding myself beautiful, regardless of his attraction!
Selfies motivate me a long way toward self-care. They just do. They make me put on a little make-up, smile more, shave my legs, wear skirts and want to feel cute! And that makes me feel 100% better about me.
And that demeanor drives me to even more self-care. When I feel good about me I am more active, productive, kind to others. These are all things I was losing sight of. And selfies won’t cure all that, but they go a long way to self-care.
And I am finally recognizing and being honest about what I need!