And Then There Was One

I’ve been through a few nasty break-ups. Overall, this one has been better than others.

It started with a giant display in our community. Most of that was me. Some was him. All of it was witnessed. We both ended up with bad reputations. We could have both lost our place to live. However, he left the situation. I stayed to face the music and I pay the rent. So, I got to stay and he was banned from the park I live in.

That means our communications have been by email. I did agree to meet him to talk, after days of arguing about whether I was ready, and the face to face went well!

But there is a breakdown again in our email communication. I think we were both trying and being open but the same problems in our relationship keep coming up whether together or apart.

So when do you make the decision to stop trying and accept it is really over?

I’ve not loved you since the farm. It’s been a constant struggle. And I tried. I didn’t hide myself in a drink. I struggled to deal with a drunk. One who LIED every single day. But expects everyone around her to just be nice and cheerful even when she treats them like any piece of shit.
You are a horrible person Shaunda. Your lies to everyone and yourself will end up costing you everyone in your life and you will die alone.
You are making sure of that.
It is what you want because you hate yourself so much.
Good luck with your fucked up life.
I’m doing great!!

After all the apologies are done, when you are admitting and trying and facing it all and you are met with unforgiveness. When the communication keeps going back to hate. You need to make the very painful choice to move on from someone whose anger will prevent you from healing.

I know all that about myself and I am facing it. It will be a long painful journey.

I knew you stopped loving me and I drank to deal with the pain. I lied about my drinking but you lied about loving me. You HID just as much from me by not sharing.

I accept everything you just said. And I won’t return your hate.

I didn’t stop loving you. I was really trying. I still am trying. With or without you I will get better.

And now it’s over.


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