As I ponder my drinking, and past abuses that I’ve recovered from, I’ve been trying to find the source of pain I am covering. What if it isn’t some deep pain? What if it is my inability to admit ‘me’ because I fear rejection or abandonment?

Okay, I realize that in itself represents a source of pain. But it’s not the pain I can’t face. I’ve faced so much pain like a champion. But I have hidden it all. And each pain changed me. So no one really knows me.

And I’m scared to share ME because of the fear of judgment (I have had that before) or being seen as evil (go! religion) or anxiety?

Maybe what I am covering is fear, not pain!


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