I know my drinking has been affecting many areas of my life. But I can also see a pattern now where I have always replaced one crutch with the next. Or a combination.
So I keep finding reasons to justify the drinking.
Better alcohol than hard drugs. Better alcohol than obesity. Better alcohol than promiscuity. Better alcohol than using others. Better alcohol than anything I abused in the past.
And I don’t know what I will turn to next. That scares me. How do I give up this last crutch when I have nothing else to turn to but facing pain?
I THINK I am getting close. Last couple times I’ve had wine it tasted like vinegar. Vodka is giving me cotton mouth so bad I can’t breathe from it. I accepted the ability to change and the universe is making it so I can’t re-neg on that.
But I am still so scared. All this change is happening so fast. I’m very worried about how I will cope.