So, I’m getting a visit today from friends of my parents. The current pastor of the church I grew up in and his wife. They weren’t the pastors there when I attended but I’ve met them. They are nice people and, because of their relationship with my parents, I really believe they think they care about me.
But I also realize a lot of that is because they are pastors. And friends of my parents. I have a difficult time accepting they actually care about me because they don’t know me. They only know anything they have heard. A warped, distorted version of what other people think of me.
They also have a deep concern for my spiritual condition, well, more like my religious condition. Which means I’ll be presented with questions about that. I’m full of anxiety about my responses. I DON’T need their acceptance. I DO need to be so unafraid of rejection or hurt that I live my honesty, with kindness toward their beliefs.
Unafraid of rejection or hurt is where I am getting hung up. I’m fucking terrified. And they are 15 minutes away!