I’m coming to understand how much of my life has been negatively affected by religion. I feel evil.
In reality, I am a pretty good person. Yes, I have issues. But I am kind and helpful whenever I can. I do no physical harm to people. I take care of myself the best I can.
So why do I feel evil?
Spirituality, for one. Even as a child I felt an energetic connection to the earth. I was intuitive. People said, “If you want a prayer answered ask Shaunda to pray for it.” And I did. And my prayers were answered. Miracle style!
There were people who could prophesy or saw visions in the Bible! But if I told someone I had a dream about the future, or saw people in my closet or could speak to a passed relative? The church taught that was occult. I got anointed by the elders.
I’ve come to understand those things are me. Not religion. When you put your energy into the universe with intention you can make things happen. It’s not answers to prayer. And I’m good at it, trying to get better!
Second would have to be sexuality. I was sexually aware from a young age. I knew I liked girls and grew up in a faith where sex was for the confines of a man/woman and marriage only! I avoided my sexuality, for the most part, unless in my own mind, until I was out of Bible College.
I have still hidden much about both of those parts of my life from many people for a long time. But I think I’m starting to understand where the hiding began and why!
Who doesn’t want to hide being evil? Except? I’m so not evil! And today was the first time I accepted some things and didn’t feel evil.