It’s All About The “ism”

noun: alcoholism
  1. an addiction to the consumption of alcoholic liquor or the mental illness and compulsive behavior resulting from alcohol dependency.

I never really had a problem with alcohol until the past couple years. I’m still unsure what triggered me going from social drinker at acceptable levels to alcoholism. But I’m starting to understand the problem isn’t the alcohol, it’s the ‘ism’.

I have been addicted to other substances before. Addiction is not how I would describe my attachment to alcohol. The difference? When I was addicted to meth I would do absolutely anything to have it. I’d lie, use money allocated for other things and take risks to get it. And I had to have it! Had to.

I love booze and I drink it often. I sometimes let it get out of control when I am drinking. But when the drinks are gone I’m not skulking around shady street corners after dark trying to score a bottle. I don’t drink my rent or grocery money. I put other things I want, like new blinds for my place, before alcohol. And I can go days at a time without drinking and not have it bother me. So that doesn’t seem like addiction to me.

I have been hiding drinking which IS a problem.  But is the problem the drinking or is it the hiding? Can I bring my drinking under control by being honest about it? Or do I need to quit?

And that’s where the ‘ism’ comes in. Do I have a problem with alcohol or alcoholism? It’s a tough thing for me to think about but I’m facing it more headstrong every day!


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