I took mushrooms this morning.
I woke up early. I live alone so I can do whatever, whenever, without worry.
Taking psylocybin for healing should be done without interruption though. And? It was early enough to know no one would come knocking on my door for a few hours.
I don’t make the decision to go into healing lightly. But I’d come to a stagnant place in my growth in a particular area and needed to move past it. This morning I felt happy. A good place to be in for growth. It was the right time.
I found healing on two big things. And I don’t get to remember them. I just sat and learned them and accepted them and then I saw whatever it was disappearing from my memory. I was given moments to grieve for what I was letting go before just welcoming newness.
I sincerely don’t remember what they were, that is part of the psylocybin. Sometimes you can vividly remember and articulate what you learned. Other times it’s in your soul.
Regardless, I let go of two big things and felt so much peace. Every time I tried to remember my mind changed direction to celebration. My music ran out last time. This time is was an all empowering mix on repeat, so I had to dance. Obviously.
Last time I felt forced under a blanket and sobbed as I learned my lessons. This morning when I tried to cover myself under the blanket I couldn’t. Why? Because I’m safe and I don’t need to hide from anyone. Not even allowed to hide anymore. Not at all.
When I thought it was over? I yawned. Gigantic like. But not tired, just expelling badness. Over and over. When the yawning subsided? I felt compelled to stretch, really stretch. I haven’t done it in so long but I got down on the floor and did ‘gym teacher forced’ type stretches. And it felt so good!!
What a glorious morning! I gave away something bad. I’m going to stop trying to recall it because it is gone and I should celebrate instead of trying to remember. I really accepted I’m safe and I no longer need to hide myself. And? It’s time to stretch and get ready for what is coming. I have so much more to go and I need to be ready.
I am new. I am not the Shaunda I knew. I am a very different woman on a path to healing!