Yesterday I took a Nothing Day. I’ve often had trouble just doing nothing. Someone told me once:
Sometimes it’s important to take time to do nothing. Important enough to put it on your schedule.
So I have begun to reflect on why it’s difficult for me to just relax and do nothing. More especially I’ve been thinking about how to do it without a drink in my hand. It’s easy to sit around drinking wine watching TV. Easy, but not healthy. What prevents me from just taking the time I need to just sit unless I intoxicate myself?
It’s the lazy lie I adopted.
As a child? My teachers had a difficult time motivating me at school. My parents had a difficult time motivating me at home. I was always a healthy size but, in my preteen to early teens, health issues brought weight gain and prevented me from quite a bit of physical activity .
As a result I was labeled as lazy. Something I really took to heart because laziness was a sin. I realize now that I felt it was such a huge sin in my life because I was told I was lazy by almost every authority figure in my life. Frequently.
I remember asking my pastor, our school principal, some questions about the trinity one day after chapel. I never could wrap my head around that. When he couldn’t sufficiently answer my questions and I kept probing? I got told I was just being lazy and didn’t wanted to go back and do my schoolwork and I should go back to my desk. Stop being lazy.
So what is the truth?
I started working at the age of 10. I worked for a friend of our family answering the phone for his roofing business one summer. It just entailed sitting at their house, answering the phone and taking a message.
I moved on from there to babysitting by the time I was 12. I had several regular sitting jobs until I was 14.
The summer before my 15th birthday I lied about my age and got a job working in the office Kentucky Fried Chicken. I worked full time in the summers and part time until Grade 12. In Grade 12 I worked full time while finishing school. I was the editor of the year book, vice stick on the student council and chairman of the social committee.
I was anything but lazy!
I do suffer from depression though. Since childhood. One of the major symptoms of depression is debilitating lack of motivation. Lack of motivation is something I still struggle with.
When I do find my motivation? I work hard at anything I put my mind into. These days people always tell me what a hard worker I am.
I’m not lazy. I’m sick. And the healthiest thing I can do for myself is take the occasional day to just do nothing. Doing it with purpose prevents me from sliding into it as a habit.
Honesty! It’s not all about facing demons. Sometimes it’s about releasing yourself from guilt or shame of lies put on you in the past. Freedom from them leads to health!