I woke up earlier than I wanted this morning. And I woke up in physical and mental crisis because my parents arrive tomorrow to visit.
This morning? My fear of seeing them had me shaking and vomiting. Which is so stupid. I know they love me. My fear is based on my own issues, not anything they are putting on me. And I’ve decided how much I will share and how much I will not. So I am confident about seeing them.
So why does my body do this? Why am I so scared? So frightened my body goes bonkers on me and I can’t control the reactions.
I remind myself I just need to get through today. It’s just a day. Only one day. And I can do this. Anticipation is bitch sometimes but I can really do this!
I know when I see them tomorrow, and my dad gives me a hug, I will feel more safe. He gives these amazing hugs that make everything okay without words.
Until then? Full blown, unnecessary, uncontrollable anxiety.