On May new moon I took in three things.Mindfulness. Patience. Self control.

I have been feeling like a failure at them.

Patience? I haven’t had a chance to practice. It hasn’t been tested except that I am impatient about my own healing right now. Fail!

Self control? Debatable. Am I drinking less right now? Yep. But is is it self control? Not really. It’s being broke. However, people offer me drinks every day.  I could get stupid drunk on other people’s dime all day if I played the right cards. And I choose not to. I only accept alcohol from people who aren’t after another agenda. And I repay it always! So that is kind of self control. Still feels like a fail to me though.

Mindfulness. So this is the one that I sort of feel like I am making some headway. Insomuch as? I am  mindful of the fact I am not making the progress I want to right now.

I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. There are things I am trying very hard to be aware of right now. Like interrupting (a bad habit of mine) and how my choices are affecting people around me. So I’m being mindful of others.

However, I’m also aware that in my focus on others needs I am losing sight of what I need to do in my own life. Is that awareness or is it mindfulness? I’m choosing to think of it as mindfulness so I don’t feel like I am totally off track.

Being mindful of my goals, accepting where I am not doing as good as I want and working towards change regardless. That’s all I can hope for. So I guess I am kind of getting mindfulness.



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