I really appreciate alone time. At this point? I don’t have a lot of personal friends where I live and the ones I do have respect my need to be alone. Often!
Since my break up? Concerned neighbours, sometimes even the random strangers I’ve met who have been told where I live, try to pop by and see if I need anything. It’s mostly kind. Sometimes it’s the kid who wants to find work in my yard or other type opportunities. Sometimes it’s neighbours or park friends with offers of rides or a drink. People seem to care about my well being.
This past week I’ve been deep in depression. Toward the end of the week it spiraled into severe anxiety. I had my Please Do Not Disturb sign out for several days. I had my kitten. My ex came by with food and kindness. He helped me eat and took care of me when I allowed him to be here. But I was mostly perfectly okay, alone on my couch, being not okay.
I found out today even though my neighbours genuinely respected the sign, they also got very worried by Day 4. People started to ask about me. The girl I see the most hadn’t even heard from me.
However, before finding that out, I took the sign down this morning. And suddenly?
The owner talked to me today about something else and asked if I was okay. He asked if there was anyone I was talking to. He promised to check in on me whenever he is around.
Then I’m pretty sure, before he left for a few days, he appointed a guardian angel. A kind lady came and asked if I needed anything. She made sure I can get through the week until payday and brought me some pretty flowers for my garden. She told me she was there if I need anything and reminded me I am very cared for here.
I also had a kind friend bring me my own computer. He happened to bring some marijuana as well (my answer to not taking valium which has also been offered). Even though he was in a rush to get out the door and couldn’t stay to smoke? He left me a nice size chunk to get me through the next day or two.
I feel a bit better after a really rough night and morning.
Maybe I’m being shown I need to shut less people out. Or maybe not for as long. I don’t need to shut people out who jump so quickly to care for me as soon as the sign comes down.