I’m not sure why I am having trouble writing lately. I have four drafts on topics way more relevant to my life than ‘I don’t feel like writing’.
On the upside? I have been doing other things that require motivation. I finally got some tomato and pepper starts and planted them in my garden. I’ve been taking regular walks. I drew up the plans for renovating my bedroom area and tomorrow I pick up the materials and get it done. I did all my laundry, including blankets and towels. I wrote and mailed 5 letters.
So why am I having trouble putting my thoughts to keyboard?
Well, for a while there I was seeing my ex nearly every day. I find I don’t write around him very often. He encourages me to write and the issue of not writing around him is all me. But it is preventative at times. Especially when our relationship has been up and down throughout working on things.
We’ve decided on a different approach at our healing for now. It means more time apart with focus on individual healing. It’s important. I’m hoping more time alone will help me focus.
The other reason is that I feel stagnant. I know I am learning and growing in small ways every day but I’m not seeing the huge leaps and bounds I was four weeks ago. I’m wondering why and having that question in the back of my mind is, I think, holding me back a bit from writing about it.
Tonight? My sleep has been off for a couple of nights so I am wide awake in the middle of the night. Maybe I’ll crank out a few of those drafts I have sitting and waiting.