The coming day is going to be a high anxiety day for me.
My social anxiety is at an all time high right now in my life. I’m grateful to finally have a doctor and other support in place. I was able to talk to my therapist yesterday about how anxious I am about today.
I have two different situations where I will need to tell strangers personal things about my life.
First is going to a place called the SOS. It’s a secondhand store. I actually love the store when I am going to shop. The money raised there goes directly back into the community for so many programs.
One of those programs provides free rides to and from medical appointments for people who don’t drive. That would be me. So I need to go in and fill out a form and tell them about my financial and medical situation. I know this will help me. It’s really the only guaranteed way I can make it to all my appointments. I will have a lot of those now that I am back under doctor care.
Another program helps people of a certain financial disadvantage. I meet the requirements. They top up use of the food bank with grocery store vouchers for the local store of your choice so you can get fresh food. It’s not as often as the food bank but my therapist suggested when I sign up for the ride program I should ask about this one as well.
One last program I am going to check out? Smart Recovery. The ‘no higher power’ AA. At least that is what she described it as. Meetings are too far away for me to attend and quitting isn’t on my radar at the moment. But cutting back is and Toby (my therapist) suggested they might have some ideas how I can cut back. She also suggested it would be a good place to make other friends. Who don’t have alcohol at every situation. We’ll see about it. But I will check it out.
That’s a lot of talking to strangers about very personal issues today! And if that isn’t enough?
My ex has an appointment at the same place today. He has a ride ready. We have final things to take care of in our separation such as getting him off the bank account and repaying him some money I owe. The bank account part requires us to go together to the bank and sign paperwork, etc.
He graciously offered that today would be a good day to take care of it because he has a ride to SOS and we could stop at the bank. I really want this all done so I accepted.
But now I have anxiety. Because I am facing all of that talking to strangers while having to spend a couple hours with my ex (that is how long it is between drive and appointments). And I am grateful we have a ride as well, but it’s not from someone I will be comfortable around. They’ve never wronged me or vice versa but it’s a tense situation nonetheless.
I can’t sleep right now because the intensity of anxiety is keeping me awake. It will leave me tired today but maybe that will work to my advantage!
I’m hoping that will help me get in the car, put on my headphones and doze for the driving part. If I get done at SOS before my ex does? I plan some secondhand store shop therapy! The bank will be on the way home and just a relief to have that taken care of. Then more dozing until I get dropped off.
My day begins five hours from now and I feel the anxiety building. My plan to get through it until I get picked up? 1. Writing. I have a couple more things I think I can spill about. 2. Self care. Beyond just a shower I want to make sure I look fantastic if I am going to be in public with this level of anxiety. 3. Music. I have it playing right now and will let it keep on 🙂 4. An elaborate breakfast. I could make avocado asparagus with back bacon and eggs on a toasted english muffin. I I even have an aged cheddar I could melt over the top. It would take time but, hey, it’s time I’m focusing on a healthy breakfast instead of my coming day.
Those are my current anxiety coping mechanisms based on the situation.