A Change Of Mindset

It’s been a while since I’ve done Psylocybin. I couldn’t find them for about a month and a half. I finally found some but I sat around and waited.

I’ve been very depressed so I was scared of them a bit. I thought about waiting for full moon and using them in a ceremony of some kind to help with my intense sadness. Then an old friend reminded me that sometimes they can be used to bring laughter.

I usually think of that as recreational use. I stray from that to keep them for spiritual purposes. I really had to think about it before I came up with a plan.

Recreational healing. I really needed to laugh and smile. I wrote it all down, right down to the movie I chose to watch. I picked it because it had bright colors, music and it always made me smile. (Enchanted)

My spiritual intention with recreational healing? I needed laughter. I hadn’t laughed in days. I needed to ease my anxiety. I know that even recreation-ally, psylocybin brings an after affect of calm. And I just wanted to feel some life in me. I’ve been so dormant.

I figured if I could get past some of those issues I could get back on my path.

Ah, but, mushrooms take you on the journey that you need, which is not always what you want. When done with intention of healing of any kind? They’ll give you the healing you need because it comes from within you.They just make you more open to it.

There were only brief moments my mind would allow me to focus on the audio of the movie so I am glad I was familiar with it.

I highly recommend the movie so I’ll try not to spoiler it but…

There is a moment in the movie when the princess character experiences anger for the first time. I learned I am guarding so many of my true emotions like a Disney character. It’s like ignorant bliss will make them go away. Except I find my ignorant bliss in a bottle of wine.

The rest of the audio I heard was pretty dark. Mostly the evil queen saying there are no happy endings. She spread a lot of misery that I never noticed before.

I micro-dose when I so mushrooms. So I was coming down by the end of the movie. And I learned a lot of things but they came from a place of darkness.

I sobbed for a few hours after the experience. All the dark stuff I faced about myself was so difficult.

I know I have been admitting my issues and accepting responsibility in a lot of areas of my life but my mind was opened to a lot of ways I am still blaming my issues on past experiences instead of past choices.

I’ve had a slump in healing. I think I wasn’t accepting responsibility for past choices. The ones that led me to where I am now. While accepting my blame in my current circumstances I was still somehow excusing past behaviour as being, well, past. I haven’t come to terms with the fact it was all my choices that led me to where I am right now. EVERY step, not just the past four years.

I was flooded with the thought that if I want happiness I need to make it. It is within me not found in outside sources.

In the moment I faced my own responsibility it seemed daunting. It’s why I sobbed. And then I talked with a friend who gave me comfort enough I stopped crying. And I slept.

the most beautiful thing about psylocybin took hold. That calm. It’s like a peace after you’ve learned something. It’s a release that lets you move on.

I slept so well. Better than in weeks. And today I don’t feel despair. Today I went for a walk, took care of my garden, vacuumed my floors and did things I haven’t been able to do in so long. I began working on my plan for full moon. And I smiled a lot today.

Regardless how challenging the lessons, healing through psylocybin always brings a calm peace afterward. What I’ve read, and also experienced, is traces of it stay in your system for about two weeks.

I experience that openness to growth as an after affect for a while. And the ability to take action on it. And no depression.

I’m glad I chose to take some mushrooms yesterday. They sure caught me by surprise with the learning but it’s what I needed. A kick in the ass mentally!

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