Yes. I’m still drinking. Still an alcoholic. Still doing more talking than trying to cut back.
So, how am I ‘trying’? Well, I’ve been trying to hang out with more sober friends but I don’t know many. The one I have is too far away or only close by on weekends/holidays. BUT? I have her.
Also, my budget doesn’t allow for booze every day. The last two weeks of the month I am not drinking unless someone else offers. That happened more often before the conflict I had with a couple people around here. However I’m okay it happens less now. I do have this one friend who I hang out with that pays for any alcohol we have together (and he drinks more than I do so… yikes, right?) but I am even trying to cut back in that situation as well.
However? I am still drinking. When my bills are paid, groceries bought and I’ve gotten a few treats for myself? The rest is still going to wine or vodka. I have other things I want to do. They aren’t needs I’m avoiding but they are awesome things I could be doing to take my mind off drinking if only I could take my money off wine.
Like what? I’ve been given two pieces of fabulous wood that I want to paint for my yard. For the cost of one bottle of vino? I could get the additional paints I need. I have most of them and the tools. So why am I not spending my money on the paint? And my time avoiding my addiction by painting it out? I’m gonna guess depression that is exacerbated by drinking answers that. Pretty sure my therapist will agree.
Also, I am starting to garden more. Despite my neglect during depression, many things survived. So I’ve been giving it more attention, harvesting things that went well and planting second rounds. My garden keeps me focused the past couple weeks. It is something I can focus that energy on to take away from the desire to walk to the wine store. I can winter garden any frost hardy plant, so I plant to garden year round. I need to not lose myself in alcoholic depression for weeks or months at a time to be successful. I WANT to be successful at this.
I have more and more desire to quit. The days I haven’t been drinking I feel better. I have no clue why that doesn’t stop me from picking up wine. That’s another discussion altogether. But I pick up less wine or booze lately. I even went to the park bonfire the other day and took a glass of water. The beer flows pretty freely there and I never joined in on it.
My steps are small but I still have all this on my mind and I am working on it in my own ways.