Gone Like The Wind

My ex is gone. He’s left the province.

The news of his departure was a shock to me. We had agreed we were friends and amicable. I was taken aback when a  friend of his showed up at my door to say Mojo was gone without a goodbye.

I don’t have a lot of details about his leaving. Some people say he’s gone on an extended walkabout, others speculate more darkly about is departure even questioning if he has decided to take his own life. The details I DO have are uncertain and I don’t feel a need to add my own concerns to all the speculation because I have no idea what his choices will be from here.

What I DO know? He isn’t dead. I’m pretty sure I would feel that in my soul.  But he’s left for a long while. I know he will be in contact with me when he is ready and able, I just feel that. But in the meantime? I know he is troubled and anxious.

Everything else is left in the unknown at the moment.  Where he is. How to contact him. What he is deciding to do from here. When he may be back.

I’m used to sending him messages throughout the day. I’m used to emailing him funny pictures I see or videos of my cat that no one else would appreciate. I’m used to him. Just him. Being here.

I have this huge hole in me. It was one thing to be fighting or seeing less of each other to help heal. It’s another thing entirely that he is GONE. Without a way to contact him. He’s been the one I lean on for so long. Even when we have been apart he’s my source of strength and my strongest cheerleader until now.

I feel alone. I feel lost. And I’m a bit scared because I have no idea what this means from here.

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