Under Scrutiny

I live on a disability income. I worked a full time job plus two or three extras at any given time in my adult life before I became sick! I PAID for my social insurance.

Yet? Here I am. I was lucky to have great private insurance at my last job (they cover  60% of my previous income). I also get CPP (Canada Pension).

The insurance I worked for, paid into and receive each month? It accounts for more than two thirds of my monthly income. The part my country pays? I could never survive on.

Yesterday I got ‘the letter’. That one where your private insurance company decides you need to prove that you continue to be disabled. And if THEY don’t believe you? You’re cut off.

I lost that battle, once, a few years ago. A good lawyer and excellent doctor later, I was able to prove I am really sick and my insurance company should back off. They HAVE. Until now.

So, here I sit this moment, with a letter. It came yesterday.


I know I am sick. I know my new doctor has additional concerns about my health by the amount of tests he is sending me for. And I’m finally in a position I can get health help again. I’m working on it. So, I am 90% certain this review will not be an issue.

However, because they cut me off once years ago? Every time a review comes up I have severe anxiety for four months. That is how long I have to turn in my info, them to review it and a decision about my income is made.

I am trying very hard to subside my panic by reminding myself I’ve made through the last two without a problem. I close every letter I send about reviews with, “If you have any questions please refer them to my lawyer…  and he will address them.” (I figure he beat them last time so throwing his name down can’t hurt)

However? Until I get a decision I am going to be in full blown anxiety. What if January hits, my income is cut by 2/3’s and I can’t afford to live? In the middle of winter. How do I keep my mind off the concern and focused on moving forward in my healing until then? How do I plan for that possibility when I barely have an income to begin with?

I guess I don’t. I need to remind myself I have no control over this issue. The only thing I can do is send in the information, trust in my own truth and hope for the right outcome.



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