Paul will be getting out of jail soon. His camping charges paid for.
He went back and faced the main thing that held him back from doing what I needed from him. He faced his PTSD from the previous arrest. He’s sat in a jail cell, working with a lawyer (against his personal politics) to make sure he is making ALL the right moves to come home and take care of me.
That is what he wants. Have a job where he can make enough he can supplement our income to help pay for things but be off enough he can care for me. My health. He wants us to have an apartment, instead of an RV, so I can have a bathtub for my leg pain. He plans to get his license (all gov’t style), and a car, so he can make sure I get to my health stuff. Things he was worried about doing before or unwilling to do before? He is willing to do them now.
When he gets home? He has a job lined up- because I rock that way. He’ll have a few weeks off for recovery time and then into a decent part time job!
Some people might question what they think is my blind belief in his ‘promises’. Or why I would be helping him at this point. Even he has questioned whether or not I can accept him back.
I believe his promises. Of any of the problems we may have had? Paul has NEVER lied to me. Not once. I currently have close to a thousand pages of his words, written from jail, telling me I am his most valued treasure. He regrets the things he did that contributed to our break down. He says how much he wants to take care of me and make up for any lost time. I believe him. His plans are realistic, slow-moving and well thought out.
So, I am preparing for a homecoming. It will be a few weeks yet. But soon, I hope.
He asked me today on the phone how terrified I was. He knows me. I was honest.
I told him I am very full of anxiety about this. We were barely friends again when he went back to Alberta to take care of this. I just spent all this time making my RV into MY space and now I have to accept someone back into it.
It’s a small space, not really meant for two. We didn’t do well the first time around. I hate clutter, it creates chaos in my mind. I’m worried about space.
BUT… I love him! I’ve gone through some counseling. He and I have had months of words on paper and by phone. He’s agreed to counseling with me when he is out. He’s let me know the ways he is willing to make changes so he can be the man I need him to be for me. He is being a MAN.
So, I got a storage space, with a friend, to store the things that were taking up space. We need to just, well, have space! I packed up my summer clothing to make room for his. I packed the camping gear and dishes I don’t use right now but want to keep… pretty much everything I don’t need between now and March.
I’m making room for the love of my life to come home. We are both a bit terrified at the same time as beyond excited for the homecoming.
We love each other. Soul mate style. We’ve both been to hell and back personally and as a couple. We are forgiving the past and moving forward to a life of being madly in love, madly making love and taking care of each other for life ❤