Ah, The Puking

WARNING: NOT ‘MATURE’ CONTENT BUT DEFINITELY EXPLICIT AND KINDA GROSS

In the past few months my level of puking has elevated.

Five days out of the week I am waking up with violent wretching. Nothing comes up, because I barely keep down food in the first place, but this is different than my usual regurgitation.

Normally? Well, normal for me. When I eat? I have a lot of difficulty getting my food into my stomach. The opening is small. If I don’t chew enough? It won’t go in. If I am anxious in any way? It won’t go in.

That can be anxiety because I’m eating in public. Anxiety because I haven’t kept food down in two days and can’t take a normal shit. It can be because I am upset from ‘anything’ really.

Additionally? If I am too excited about anything? My esophagus closes and I can’t eat. So, if things are going well in life? No food. If I am really excited about the particular meal? It’s not goin’ in.

But regurgitating is a reaction to my stomach opening being too small. The food is too big to get in there when my anxiety or excitement makes my stomach opening clench. I recognize this. I’ve been dealing with that for several years and doctors are supposedly working on that.

The violent wretching that doesn’t even come with nausea? It has me confused. I wake up to my stomach violently contracting and I make all the motions and noises (very loudly) of puking my guts out with nothing actually happening. My throat is getting torn up and sore from it.

I’ve taken to sleeping with a puke bowl by my head, just I case something comes up, but I’ve never had to clean it out. Just violent heaving in the middle of the night.

My doctor says he is sending me to a gastroenterologist.  To get a scope for my other regurgitation. I’m hoping he’ll have some insight on this other issue as well.

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