Keeping It Together, Barely

Today? It’s a biggie!

Paul’s sentencing is today and we find out if it is time served. I’m on eggshells until I know what is happening. But they hold him in shackles in a holding place all day on court days. 5 minutes of CCTV court but he spends all day shackled in a cement room without a real meal. He gets very anxious. I feel his energy and get anxious as well. Today should be the last time that ever happens to him. Hopefully.

Also, today is the day my CPP disability pay came in. Normally my insurance company pays me the same day. My insurance didn’t come in today.

I never received a letter saying I was cut off but I have also been waiting to hear about my review. I’m hoping it is just that the government pays early in December and my insurance company still pays on their regular schedule. That would mean I’ll get paid from them in a couple of days. But I AM panicking a bit. Of course.

I have so many things I want to do around here but I feel like my friend has been underfoot the past few days. Here to help but has too many beers and doesn’t accomplish things. He IS an epic procrastinator. And I am okay with that. I know it about him and accept him with all his quirks!

He’s good to me in so many ways. He is helping me prepare for Paul to come home. Heck he even has a business for Paul to come home to and work for. Terrific guy but driving me a bit crazy today because I am in my own kind of other bad head space.

Today I need productive, not procrastination! I need to accomplish things to help me cope with all the other things outside of my control.

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(WARNING: TMI)

And I sorta got my period this morning. I mean, it’s trying. But I’m having a blood issue again, I think. It’s hard to tell. I’m peri-menopausal (started menopause years ago because of my health issues, not yet through it because I am only 42). So my periods became irregular about 10 years ago.

In months I am under stress? My period comes later and later. It’ll show up for a day and half of nothing some months but be an explosion of awful for a full week the next.

And my period ALWAYS comes with two days of explosive diarrhea.

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Today is just an all around ‘shitty’ day. (LOL Puns are keeping me sane right this moment) I’m doing my best to keep it together.

How am I coping?

Music! I have a playlist that makes me laugh, dance, cry and get everything out!

Meditation. It’s not really that but I sit for a few brief moments at a time and have my hands open, palms up, sending and receiving loving energy with Paul. Not really meditation but a definite energy exchange.

Stretching. I am only now beginning to really feel the benefits of oxygenating my muscles through simple stretches.

Cleaning. I have plans to be productive today! I already made slow cooker soup. Now to clean the kitty litter, vacuum and get out a few cobwebs.

Wine. Who am I kidding if I were to try and pretend I’m not using wine to get through today?

Most of those are good coping skills LOL

At the end of this day? I’ll know the resolution to at least one of the issues. Paul’s court. I’m kinda counting on the insurance thing to work out, hopefully without me having to appeal. The rest will run it’s course.

I’m tired! Time to have a nap while I wait to hear from Paul or his lawyer!

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