I was told what to believe and do for the first half of my life. In those years I rarely challenged those things I was told. I made a few comments, asked a few questions but mostly the things I challenged all happened inside my own mind because I was, well, a child mainly. And also scared. It left me as a very confused young adult.
Now? I meet all kinds of people and work on developing my belief system regularly. I try to be open about it.
I’ve been accused of both doing and believing a lot off things in the past three years.
Some accusations came from the media and those were, just, well, media being media. I suppose. Other accusations were from people I thought were friends, even some family. They decided I was ‘too political’ and/or ‘too different’ for them so they left the friendship behind. Some accusations come from strangers because they read something said about me and formed their opinion based on what they heard. Seems I’m misunderstood about a lot of issues.
More recently there are ‘friends’ who have said things to me, about myself and others, based on world politics. They have made some disparaging remarks based on what they think. Sent me nasty messages because they assume my position on any given subject.
Let me be clear – I don’t care about them attacking – that is not why I am writing this. I’m not feeling bad about online shaming, political or otherwise.
I am not crying for a safe space!
It actually made me think.
There are people who may have read things about me, learned things about my past or for whatever reason have formed their opinion about what I think on political or other socially relevant issues. My own brothers/sister won’t talk to me because they think I am some kind of political dissenter. One brother called me a danger to society and said it was better if my nieces didn’t know me.
I’ve let them all go as they wanted to leave my life. “Don’t want to talk to me? Your issue not mine.” was the attitude. THEY let go, not me. They tossed me away over things they assumed without really knowing what I believe.
When these things are on my mind like they are tonight? I let them ruminate. Sometimes they lead me to a super angry and hurt place. More often it’s a defensive place where I want to tell them all how much they hurt me by simply misunderstanding me.
Right this minute? I’m not interested in ‘defending’ myself. It’s not about feeling oppositional. It’s more about being misunderstood. Then having relationships cut off for something you don’t actually believe.
I have some radical belief situations that cross so many boundaries. I’m going to write out some of my thoughts on them so I can get my real thoughts about them off my chest and then I am letting go of worrying about this.
I tried to write them here but it became too much to include with these thoughts. I’ll cover each subject on it’s own another time