Since quitting hard drugs? My weight fluctuates a lot. Over the months Paul was in jail we both gained a lot of weight. We laugh that we kinda became a couple fatties. Neither of us was fitting our clothes.
We’ve both become more active over the past few weeks (him with his bike, me with walking) and we’re now fitting our clothing better again. It feels good to be feeling healthier and not panting when I walk uphill. It feels like everywhere is ‘uphill’ where I live LOL
Still, when I take my clothes off for a hard look in the mirror, I see the sagging and drooping that comes from mass weight loss and age.
My body is so imperfect. My surgery was invasive so I have huge abdominal scars. The doctor who did my skin removal surgery (I had 40 lbs of skin removed from my stomach AFTER losing weight) was not a plastic surgeon so my belly is a bit misshaped when it comes to rolls. It’s like I have baby belly but on my upper abs. My lower abs are tight. Which is weird. Straight up, misshapen.
Every part of me sags. I have 70 yr old lady wings for arms. A million chins that sprout random beard hairs. My vag? I saw a porn mag of older women one time. I compare.
So what is the point?
Well, looking at me raw I’m not very sexy. But when you have confidence it doesn’t matter what you look like.
When you look in a mirror and don’t see what society says is beautiful it can be so hard to overcome. It took me a long time but I can say that I am no longer turned off by my body.
Every roll? Softness to grab. I may have a lot of skin but it’s all so soft!! My ass? There is nothing like slapping something that jumps back at ya a bit, eh?
Is this what comes with age? Self acceptance. Self love. Maybe it comes from being loved by someone who appreciates every part of me he touches. Whatever it is? I am happy I am comfortable in my own saggy, droopy skin.