When Paul left yesterday he was in a bad mood. It sparked me thinking about how to talk to him. (How Do You Have That Talk)
Then he came home, tired and in pain from his workday, and his first words were an apology for how he left in the morning. He knew it upset me. He explained it was the pain (which I totally understand) and every bit of anxiety I was feeling about the situation melted away.
The other day he told me it was bothering him how much time I spend with my other friend and that him and I hardly ever just hang out anymore. So I made a point of setting aside time for him on his days off this weekend. I listened, instead of getting defensive I just tried to help relieve his angst about it.
This morning he woke up in a bad way because of being woken by the cat. He is overtired and in pain. It’s his second week at a new job, manual labour, and he bikes an hour each way to be able to do it. I completely understand why being woken by the cat would be a piss off.
When he started to include me in his anger by insinuating I didn’t quiet her properly? It felt like yesterday. So I spoke up. I told him I wasn’t the problem and didn’t deserve to be talked to that way. And would he like me to make him a coffee and some breakfast?
He was quiet for a bit but then suggested a plan. We should close the blinds at night so the cat can’t watch the birds at 5am and go crazy meowing. I told him that’s a great idea and we’ll try it!
His anger melted away as did any anxiety that was creeping in my brain.
He’s still tired and sore and not looking forward to a 10hr day (including his bike ride) but he’s doing it anyway. I managed to coax a few smiles out of him before he left.
Maybe we don’t need some giant talk as long as we are both still working toward changing to be better people and talking about the small stuff as it happens.