Audition For A Play? I Did That!

I decided to be daring. I stepped outside my realm of the norm when it comes to peopling. Tonight, I auditioned with a local theatre group for a spring 2018 production.

I’ve been into theatre as long as I can remember. I asked my parents to allow me to attend public school so I could pursue dramatic arts. It never happened.

I joined a drama team in college and was in a few plays. I had to get parts because it was a ‘credit course’ for me.

Then I had a professor/drama coach turn me off of it. I auditioned for a real play at my college. Dr. Fisk told me I was very skilled dramatically but I was too big for him to ever find a role for and if I thought I wanted theatre in my life I should choose it over food.

He was probably right. It was 22 years ago, I was obese and fat acceptance was not a thing. No one had roles for someone my size. Fat-shaming was normal and I was a gigantic target.

My theatre dreams ended there.

Until now.

I read a very moving piece of work a few months ago and thought, “If I ever had the chance to do a reading at an open mic I would read this.”

Then? Across my Facebook feed comes an open call to audition for a play. I decided to go for it. The audition required a contemporary monologue. I chose the piece that had been so inspiring to me.

Tonight I went to my audition.

What an experience.

It was terrifying at first. I walked into a lobby full of accomplished actors and actresses that knew each other. One was man in three other plays in the area right now. They all knew the director personally and were talking about how hard he can be.

“If he doesn’t like you? You won’t finish your monologue. If he asks you to read from script? He likes you.”

I almost walked out because my anxiety was taking over. I was trembling as I went in.

It went GREAT! I don’t know that I will get a role. I realize now I am not nearly qualified for the role I wanted.

However? After my monologue the director turned to the casting person and said he thought I would be perfect for the role of Clara.  A more minor role than I originally went for but I was thrilled he thought of me at all.

He pulled out a portion of the script I have never seen and asked me to read some things. I had a few moments to read and prepare. It was great because I was able to use the things on stage as ‘props’. ie. I sat on a stone to represent sitting on a bench, touched the top of a piece of wood that was nearby when ‘touching a table’.

In the end? He asked if I would be available for certain rehearsal dates. The woman there told me I did well and that I should be proud. I’ll know ‘whenever they decide’ if I get a part.

It doesn’t matter to me one bit if I land a part. It matters that I DID this. I stepped beyond past situations that hurt me, fought through my anxiety and took a huge, courageous step forward.

And I owned that monologue.

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God, The Bully

I do not put my faith in the Christian God, whether I believe he exists or not. But I was raised Christian and I sometimes have ‘mental after shock’. I also maintain a lot of Christian friendships so I still hear a lot of the rhetoric.
 I was reading a post on Facebook where someone wrote how Jesus can be seen in every book of the Bible.
“In Job – He restores you and shows Himself strong on your behalf.”
Wow did that flood me with thoughts.
I grew up believing in Job. He was God’s servant that never gave up no matter what was thrown at him. And he got some things back in the end. He was tempted and passed the tests.
Now that I am older I see it different. I did a small google search could not find any other reference to a god tempting someone. Only in the Bible does a God allow us to be tempted and provides so many rules you can’t possible pass the temptation.
Christians believe God has power over all. Job worshiped him and did everything to serve him. He was a loyal and faithful friend who loved God. God allowed him to be tempted in immeasurable ways and when Job passed the test what was taken was restored.
I’m going to describe how I really see this, but in modern terms. I was born in the 20th century so I see this from that perspective.
Job, this really great guy who totally loves God, has a home, family and a way to make money. He’s done well so he also supports a bunch of other servants and their families.
One day Lucifer shows up and hedges a bet with God. “See that pal of yours? I bet I can get him not to like you anymore.” God says, “Sure, go ahead. There isn’t anything you can do that will make that guy hate me. Kill his family, destroy his livelihood, make him sick…. he’s all yours.”
Lucifer does just that. And not in some ‘disaster’ that wipes it all out at once. He does it slow and painful. He comes back to God after each time to see if ‘that’s enough’. God tells him each time to go ahead and do more. It’s like a torture master but instead of breaking him for information he’s testing Job’s loyalty.
After all is said and done. God gets him to the hospital, hooks him up with a new GF and finds him a new job.
Is that “RESTORATION”?
Or isn’t God the ultimate bully with a horrible ego? He allowed, encouraged even, his mortal enemy to mess with his best friend. He allowed everything to be taken in a torturous fashion and what? Job should be grateful that it was restored?
If your best friend allowed their worst enemy to kill your family, destroy your business and inject you with a disease simply to prove you’d stand by them no matter what? Would they still be your best friend? Would you worship them?
And about that restoration? Would you be happy with a new partner and kids or would you miss the ones taken for the sake of nothing you did wrong?
If I believed the Bible as more than stories (which I no longer do)? Job makes me think God is a bully and that no amount of restoration is enough when everything you have is taken for his ego.