Everyone deals with a break-up in their own way. My way changes, depending on the situation.
After an abusive relationship in Winnipeg I determined not to be with anyone seriously again ever. I was bitter. Angry. Spent a lot of time alone and depressed. That’s when I started dabbling in meth.
Then I met someone. I fought that situation for a bit before falling for him. But I did him wrong by being a drug addict. I left that situation bitter, again. Only at myself that time. Why did I get into anything in the first place? I knew I didn’t want to do relationships because, in my mind, they sucked. Now I especially knew I sucked at them because I couldn’t even be good to someone who was good to me. I dealt with that one by getting off meth and running half way across the country with a friend. I determined to be single and planted myself in the forest to help facilitate that.
Fell in love with my friend. Had five fantastic years. Yep. Even though they had their moment of problems and ended kinda traumatic? They were some of the best years of my life. And I learned a lot about what real love looks like.
So how am I dealing with this break-up? Well, my drinking has actually cut back. Not to nothing but less that I thought it would be. I planted some new things in my garden to remind me life continues and new things grow all the time.
And I am watching copious amounts of romantic comedies. I had to ponder why. Was I looking to depress myself?
I think I figured it out today while watching How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days.
I’m not angry. I’m sad about it. Especially that how it ended means no friendship. But I’m not bitter. They were some great years with fucking amazing adventures and the hottest sex of my life. Why be angry?
And the rom com’s? Well, they are light-hearted fodder for while I am puttering around my place. Background noise while I write. And just a gentle reminder that love does actually happen out there. I’m not looking for it. But I’m no longer bitter. Taking that forward in life is a positive step.