The Last Fight

How did it start?

We planned to make love. He wanted to eat my pussy for hours before giving me his cock! And I wanted it. Prepared by shaving my everything’s, doing my hair and generally making sure I was sexy.

Before we got into anything though?

I had been thinking about a comment made on my blog about sex. (But… The SEX!) In general, I’d already been thinking about how sex was affecting our ability to make decisions about the truth of our relationship.

I’ve been told what I did was a woman move. Like that is a bad thing. Whatever.

I stopped kissing and looked at him. I said, “I know things have been weird. We’ve been so disconnected but we reach out to each other through sex.  I love you but I’ve been holding back my heart from sex because of our situation. Tonight? If we do this? It’s because I made a choice to give you back my heart. This will be making love and I need to know you’re all in.”

I’m a bit lost on how it went after that but we didn’t make love. We argued. He packed. I wanted to die. There was back and forth texts about it all before I passed out from wine and my meds. Kinda hoping I would die.

He came back and broke in to see if I was really dead. He slept in the bed.

I woke up this morning to him here and was thinking WHAT THE FUCK? He woke up, we argued more.

Then he hit me.

There is a lot I can tolerate. Name calling, swearing, having to support someone financially…..  but I won’t be hit.

I was in that kind of relationship once. I learned if they hit once? They hit.

And that was our last fight. He is gone. I will not let him back. I have people around me watching to make sure I am left alone. Cops are always available as a last resort. But I don’t think he will come back.

It’s over now. Great sex or not, no one gets to hit me.

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18 thoughts on “The Last Fight

    1. I will move on. I want him to find some kind of healthy grasp on things. I want him to be happy. But I won’t let anyone punch me because they have no control. And I won’t chance it happening again. I am sad though. I think we really loved each other under all that.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Unless both parties are about that life and you are living in fear of it happing again that is not love. There is a time and place for everything and doing it out of anger is not the way. Because there are people that like to be hit but there is ahigh level of respect and communitcation between each parties even then when they are angry they don’t strike there partner at all they cool down.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. BE STRONG. It will be hard, but stay true to your commitment to end it. You are absolutely right , ” once a hitter, always a hitter”. That has been proven over and over. Stay STRONG!! no matter what he says to you to take him back. Now, try and make YOU happy.

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    1. Thank you! I AM okay. It was a long and rough day. I am still a bit scared he will try to show up here tonight. I am alone but I have a back up plan and a friend at my call to help.

      The next few days will be all anxiety for me but if I can get through this weekend? I will be stronger and a better person for just having gotten through.

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  2. Tough times.
    I remember a few years ago when I was going through a really sad breakup a friend told me they forveverybdoor that you close another opens. Didn’t get it at the time but I do now. I hope some doors open for you soon and you are happy. That’s what we all need.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wine is the best reason for bad spelling!! Thank you so much for sharing you story with me. I love when people comment and there is a connection.

      PS. Cheers! *clink*

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  3. He’s the kind of person that would push his mother down a flight of stairs on mountain aave. Because she didnt give him money. He’s the kind of guy that would blame you for everything that went wrong during his da. I know him very well and I waited and prayed that he wouldn’t do this to you but I guess once an abuser. Always one. I had to stop myself shaunda from contacting you before to give a warning but I thought if he ever saw your blog and knew that I his sister posted on it he would of beat you a long time ago. I’ve been hit by him and so has every other girl that he’s had a relationship with. Why am I here, because Icare for his mental wellness and your safety. I’m sorry! I wish I could of met you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Email me if you’d like. I can be of help if your trying to understand his psyche. Dravegirl@gmail.com

    I’m free spirited. Non-judgemental and totally solo from that conundrum. I’m sorry u had to go through that. Breaks my heart that my family is fucked up enough to hurt the one and only person left in the world that cares.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your email address. I will keep in touch. Not to try and understand him but because I think it’s cool you contacted me regardless.

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    1. Thank you! There have been a few texts where he told me I deserve what I got. But he hasn’t been here. My friend is close by so he can intervene if I need. Or cops. But I don’t want that in my life. (I’m sorta a fuck the police kinda gal).

      I am thinking it will be okay. And tonight, full moon, I am going to have a fire…. so many things to purge/burn.

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  5. Once a lying cheater, always a lying cheater??

    When it gets to the point of hitting, listening and communication ended long before.

    Sorry you went through that yet again.

    A pattern maybe?? Blaming others for what you bring isnt always healthy.

    Just perspectives.

    Peace

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmmm…. I was the one accused of being a lying cheater. He never cheated on me. I was the one with questionable morals but I didn’t qualify what I did while apart from him as cheating. So we argued about that.

      The hitting was the last straw. But I really do hope he finds healing.

      A pattern? I have made some poor choices in men for sure but I aslo accept responsibility for my decisions. It’s why I am sticking to my guns on this break-up.

      Thank you for the thoughts to think about.

      Like

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