WHY Do I Do This?

First off? I promised myself I wasn’t gonna accidental yard party again.

My ‘security’ friend who has been sorta staying here on and off? He’s trying too hook up with park women. So he asked if he could have a fire as long as it was controlled who came and what happened.

I said as along as I can stay inside and write, listen to music and not have be worried about drama? Sure. I like the smell of fire.

It’s all quiet. Everything is good as I sit here and write.

But mom (from mom n daughter the other night) came and told me she has a younger daughter who wants to meet me.

Stop getting creeped… it’s because they all know I have anxiety. I mean, it was eight months I was here before I met any of them. Mom came in and told me she knew I was writing but that her daughter wanted to meet me and talk to me and hang out with me. Because she has anxiety.

How do I turn down the request of a 13 yr old girl who just wants to meet me to know how I deal with my issues? I wanted to write tonight. I’ve been doing that and I feel okay with this.

But really universe?

With all the crazy and angst I feel? With all my own anxiety? Tonight is the night I get to meet someone so young and confused? Today is the day I get to be help?

I’m not even sure how. But mom was so earnest with her request. I said I would hang out. I have Netflix and YouTube so we can do music or a movie and talk a bit. Mom was grateful.

Now? I’m waiting. WTF? Like really….   I CHOSE not to have kids. I don’t want to fuck up a little girls life by being a bad advice giver.

WHY did I agree to this?



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