I blogged over a year ago about being an alcoholic. (I’m An Alcoholic)
Over the year I have tried at time to cut back some of the time. My budget kinda helps with that. Bills first, booze later. Other times I have gone so far the other way. It’s hard.
Lately? I am contemplating WHY I am still drinking.
There are days I wake up fine but there is wine there. The moment any conflict hits me? The wine is down my throat. Alcohol is my nemesis. I love it. It hates me. I hate it, too. It’s a love/hate thing.
I was angry one day when I was still with my ex (so a few weeks ago) and I walked to the local liquor store (about 20 mins). On the way back? I decided to drink my wine by the ocean. Why drink IN the animosity when you can look at ocean?
I met Mike.
Mike is also an alcoholic. He shared my wine with me while telling me about every possible AA meeting in the area. Gave me his number and said we could go together if I want and even though it’s a bit of a walk there he could find me a ride home.
AA? Nope. I don’t have a higher power. But, I have heard of a thing called Smart Recovery. It’s like AA but no ‘higher power’ shit.
FYI I am drinking wine as I write this. BUT… Smart Recovery is on my mind. I have a friend who can drive me if I want to try it.
I have cut back A LOT recently (even though it has been readily available). I want to feel better.
Alcoholic Shaunda wants a break from it!