Stealing My Outlet

I have six posts waiting in the drafts of my blog. I haven’t been posting as much as I want. Why?

When my ex was contacting me for a while there? Facebook got blocked. He switched to texting and email. I answered his messages but always ended with, “Please stop.”, “Please leave me alone.” .

I justified some of the contact. He had to give me his new phone number so when people called about his medical appointments I had something to give them. His health is not something I will fuck with. He is sick. So I thanked him for the update. Which engaged him in a short conversation where I had to remind him again I want no contact. None. NO CONTACT.

He was responding anonymously to my blog and I had to remove some of his comments. I reminded him no contact means no contact. He messaged my friend. I reminded him no contact means even through my friends.

And it stopped for a bit. Until he found my dating profile. He responded to it with his own on the dating site. I reminded him no contact was no contact. He responded to my blogs about some of those dates and situations. I asked him again to leave me alone.

His latest tactic. He started his own blog. And he followed mine with his so I know it is there.  I have never read his. I’m trying desperately to move on. I don’t need to know about his innermost thoughts anymore and I am not sure why he is so obsessed with torturing himself with mine.

What this means though? Every time I write a post that he even likes? His face will come through my notifications.  He doesn’t even have to contact me now to be in my face.

I don’t want him to like my stuff. I don’t want his face in front of me all the time. And I feel like he did that purposely. I feel like he is stealing my outlet because I don’t want to write for him to read anymore. And I could block him but he’d just go back to anonymous anyway.

I’m not angry. I’m not scared of him. I’m just so tired of this already. And I feel like I am losing my place to have my voice heard. And that scares me. I can’t lose this.

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4 thoughts on “Stealing My Outlet

  1. That’s tough. It’s hard to move on when you are constantly reminded. You can always choose to go private with your blog and allow only users you want access. Or, you can start another blog, but that would mean possibly losing some readers in the transition.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that my blog spans time now. I don’t want to start it over for any reason. And private? Defeats the purpose for me as well. I thought about them both as options. I thought about stopping writing altogether. I just wish he would stop. And maybe this post is a little passive aggressive on my part? I know he’ll read it and maybe finally stop all of it.

      Like

      1. Thank you! But I was wrong. He read it and instead of taking it as a hint to just ignore me and stop reading about my life and responding? He chose to text me with an inaccuracy and spin it like I was trying to ruin his life on purpose. So for the record? He let me know he has had his dating profile since we broke up the first time and he never took it down. So he didn’t CREATE a profile to find me, he just used his already existing profile from during our relationship to harass me. Good thing I clarified 🙂 LOL

        Like

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