Who Are My People?

I watch a lot a of Grey’s Anatomy. Whenever a character says, “They’re my person.”? I get this strange feeling inside. Maybe jealousy?

It had me wondering who my people are. I’ve pushed so many people away. Wronged people who could have been my people. Hell, I barely have family anymore.

So who are my people?

I have my best friend ever, Corey. He has seen me through me through two hard addictions and has been a constant friend without being an enabler for those things. He is an example to me of recovery and living a healthy lifestyle. When I needed a place to stay for an appointment in Winnipeg, after going to Alberta, he let me stay for a week. He doesn’t do overnight guests so that was huge.

When I went to return the key? He told me I always have a place to go as long as that key is on my chain. He writes me letters and sends me postcards from his world travels. He loves me. He is my person.

There is a woman, Val, that I met a few times before she helped me when I needed money and she needed a housekeeper. We’ve been friends in person and online for a long time. Bonded like sisters so much she came out to visit me on my island. And the sisterhood continues. She is another who has told me I always have a place to go with her. She is my person.

I recently reconnected with some friends from Bible College. We have all changed. Adam, Kari, Frank. One is a missionary, one came out of the closet and the other rarely goes to church and is still working out beliefs. One of them told me there is room for me with them if I ever need. I could probably stay with another but he’s in Fiji LOL

The thing is I reconnected with each of them where we left off. They have changed and told me how. I have changed and told them how. What has not changed in any of them is their spirit. They are each the same to me as the day we lost touch for a time. The stories have changed but the hearts and the love have not. They are my people.

It’s pretty comforting to know I have five people! Five people I can talk to (who really know the real me) and at least three who have my back if I ever needed a place to run.

How do I forget sometimes that I am so loved? I have GREAT people!



Affordable Housing

Affordable housing is difficult to find. Particularly for me. Why?

Firstly, I’m on disability. So even though my income is guaranteed and I would never apply for something outside my budget? I come with a stigma. It’s like potential landlords immediately think my health issues will be a problem to them. Sometimes it is separate suite in their home and they ‘would prefer renters that work outside the home’. I read that as ‘we want your money but don’t actually want you here very much’.

I’m home a LOT. I’m quiet. Usually sleeping or writing. Even when I have someone staying with me or living with me? It’s quiet. We watch movies. I don’t have parties. But simply because I am home a lot due to my disability status I miss a lot of opportunities.

Second reason is my name. I won’t lie about my name and potential landlords seem to love their Google searches before accepting a tenant. My name sparks a lot of questions that they never take the time to ask.

When I was in Alberta, in the thick of my media blitz, it was so difficult to find housing. It worked out but in a strange way. I was living in a bedroom of someone who was on a lease. I had no idea she was not allowed to have me. However when the landlord came to evict me? She saw I was the more responsible tenant. She accepted my rental application. Then she Googled all my press and made me jump through hoops getting statements from RCMP, etc that the media was false information. After all that she offered me a very beautiful place I could afford.

I don’t often have the chance to PROVE myself as a tenant before applying. And not everyone will ask you about what they read so you never have the chance to explain.

However, here I find myself looking for affordable housing. The vacancy rate is .01%. It’s a very expensive area so anything reasonable goes quick and often the best opportunities aren’t advertised. You have to know someone who knows someone in an area I know hardly anyone.

Which brings around the third reason I have difficulty. There also seems to be so many ads that say ‘only suitable’ for a single person? Really? I live, with another person (roomie/caregiver) and a cat, in a 27′ RV with no slide outs. My bathroom is so small I took the door off so I could lift a leg to dry off. My kitchen and living room are one room that I can toss things to my bed from. NOTHING is full-sized. Not the bed, oven or tub. Your ‘small’ one bedroom that has actual doors and a working oven looks like a kingdom to us. But because we are two people we often aren’t considered.

Fourth reason is often an issue for any renter. My sweet Bellisama. NO PETS! It drives me a bit crazy but I have also done clean up in an apartment where the person leaving had a pet they let destroy the place. I know what landlords go through because I have worked as a property manager in the past. There is no way to prove you are a responsible cat owner who will protect their property investment as if it was your own. I’ll have trouble with the no pets thing.

What it comes down to?

I’m a good tenant. I haven’t paid my rent even one day late in over 12 years. I don’t get complaints, have always gotten my full damage deposit back (even with pets) and I respect the place I live as if it was the home I own, not rent. I have references for all of that! I can provide proof of my guaranteed income within the rental budget. I take great pride in being an excellent tenant!

My four reasons take my chances of finding housing in .01% vacancy down .0001%.

But I need housing. My living situation isn’t healthy. It’s going to break down quickly and I can’t afford the fixes. It’s my best opportunity to find a suitable living situation that will be long term. So I’m looking. I’ve been looking for months but now I am looking hard!

Wish me luck!

Blow Job Points


This was my Facebook status about my date tonight.

Watching my cat with my male friend as I am getting ready to take him to my bed.
Sami (my cat): Playing and licking. then wants her bum scratched and puts it in his hand, face and very pushy about it.
Him: Scratches it but then goes back to playing.
Sami: Turns around around and bites/scratches until he performs correctly.
Me: Thank you Sami for showing him what happens when you don’t treat the pussy right!
Off to bed now 🙂 
Ah, what happened next is nothing less than amazing.
We’ve played around before so I know he treats the pussy right. After reading my status he took it on like a challenge.
We have this little game where when he does me favours I give him blow job points. He redeems them by eating my pussy. Extra redemption is given if I blow him at all and it’s like triple redemption if we 69.
So how many blow job points are redeemed when you go fully blown 69? Like what if I was the first to go tongue deep on him? What if he’s the first I let do that to me?
I’ve eaten ass before. He hadn’t until he met me. Nor had he allowed anyone to go there with him. I dared. We’ve worked our way up from barely touching to riding each others tongues with our assholes.
I think we were both taken aback how much we really love it. I mean, I expected he would like giving it to me because he is a giver. But for him to open up to me and really get into enjoying having me explore his more private parts in the most intimate ways is pretty trusting.
And tonight? Let’s just say many blow job points were redeemed!

Riverside Resort

I live at Riverside Resort in Qualicum Beach on Vancouver Island.  I am sharing the information with the world because I need to talk about the one of the worst customer service experiences I have ever had!

I’ve never had a problem here with another guest and the majority of the staff are remarkably kind and professional so this caught me off guard.

It started a couple days before Christmas. My water froze for the second time this season.

I have a heat tape that wraps my hose because I know it could freeze but the heat tape left a couple feet uncovered. If it was heated from the spigot until a couple feet until into the trailer? Should be fine!

They told me after the first time it froze to leave my water running. Honestly? My bathroom tap is always running (even in  the summer) because Sami won’t drink standing water in a dish. When the water stopped running? My tap was on and I discovered there was no water coming from the spigot.

I reported the frozen water immediately and was told they would ask someone about it. I went back and forth into the office filling my bottles with water for cooking and dishes and inquiring if they had looked at the water situation for two days before being told it was my fault because my heat tape doesn’t go all the way to my trailer.

I knew it was a park problem because it was the same thing that happened last time. But I checked my hose again. Sure enough there was no water or ice. And still no water coming from the spigot.

I went back to the office and told them the problem was clearly NOT with my equipment and I was unhappy they had tried to blame me when no one had even inspected the situation yet.

I was finally told the maintenance person would be gone until December 27.

It was only Christmas Eve and the office was going to be closed so I wouldn’t even have a way to get water to cook, clean or drink for two days. I raised my voice and said it was unacceptable. Suddenly? The owner and another P/T employee were at my door.

My friend, a guest in my home who was trying to help me with this and a professional in irrigation systems, went out to show them the situation and try to discover the source of the problem. Instead of talking to him and trying to all work together to resolve a difficult situation? The owner chose to scream at my friend while his employee threatened my friend.

My friend kept his cool and came back inside with the situation still unresolved.

On Christmas Day we managed to get by in the morning. And then? A Solstice blessing!

My favourite maintenance guy came by the park. He has worked here longer than the owner has owned it and he knows the situation. His son works here, also amazing, and is the one who fixed this last time.

Tom came by my RV. He re-assured me he knew the problem and it would be fixed. My water was on within minutes.

So what is the problem that I could leave a tap with water flowing and it could still freeze?

My RV site is the only one in the park that is on the ‘camping site’ water lines. I’m the last spigot at the end of the line. The water doesn’t flow because no one is camping and the lines were buried not nearly low enough because they were only ever intended for camping. I moved into my site as permanent and the water lines were never buried further. If the ground freezes quickly? The water lines freeze before they even get to my side of the fence. Even with my water on at a trickle.

I thanked him for explaining it to me again. I was grateful to have my water back and just wanted to let it go.

However? they ignored me and blamed me and then a resort employee threatened my guest. I couldn’t let it out of my mind because I don’t believe in letting people bully me.

I went into the office a few days later (after having time to calm down) and asked to speak with the owner privately. I told him I was really concerned with how that situation was handled and how my guest was treated. He tried to make excuses. I explained to him what the maintenance guy told me and how it was, in fact, the resorts problem. I reiterated there is never an excuse for employees to threaten guest with physical harm. And I got a bit emotional about it. All I was asking for was an apology and he would rather argue it was a holiday? Tears came to my eyes.

Instead of an apology I was told to go away. “I don’t even listen to my kids if they cry, so I won’t listen to you.”

So, I’m looking for a new place to live. And I definitely don’t recommend living at Riverside Resort unless you’re willing to tolerate physical threats from employees and ignored park maintenance issues.



I have a lot of American family and friends. I have duo citizenship and collected VA benefits when I was going to college. I have never exercised my right to vote in the USA though.

It wasn’t my vote that got him in anyway.

Now I sit back and read. So many celebrities and everyone bashing him. My own Canadian friends post about Trump daily. He’s the fucking talk of the town with all his tweets, etc. One of my friends went as far as to call me a Trump supporter even though I haven’t actually said anything about him at all.

So? Here are my thoughts on the POTUS, the Big D (at least according to him), Mr. Trump.

I think Americans got what they asked for when they voted him in.

Mr Trump has  a BSc in Economics from Wharton. He’s not ivy league educated, no Masters or PhD. But it doesn’t mean he is stupid. You don’t get to be a multi-billionaire real estate tycoon without some intelligence.

And when he ran for president? People were looking for a change. A legit one. The American people didn’t want a politician/lawyer/lobbyist-kissing person in charge. They wanted someone who could talk to them on their level (ie. Presidential tweets) and wanted to make changes that a lot of them want to see.

And they see him as a man’s man. “Grab them by the pussy”? He owned the Miss Universe and other pageants. Of course he got the misogynist vote. And all their women (I say that tongue n cheek).

He got the redneck vote for saying he’d build a wall.

But when you consider how many of those folk  are probably even registered to vote AND how many more votes it takes in other States that have a different demographic?

Trump was voted in by a variety of Americans. And love him or hate him they have him for as long as he lasts.

Now I want to talk about his tweets. I don’t get his tweets but I have epic amounts of friends who love to talk about him and requote them on Facebook. I find them hilarious.

But not in the I think he is so stupid way.

I actually think he is maybe brilliant. If you were some rich fuck who just won the presidency would you not just say whatever you want? Do you think he is so stupid that his ‘button’ joke wasn’t intended EXACTLY as it was taken? He’s fucking pimp that way. He has all of the world focused on his tweets and making fun of him. He’s his own SNL character. And proud of it.

But he is also the President who has visited the most world leaders in the first year of Presidency. Four foreign trips to 14 countries in the first two months and then he said he wanted to stay in the USA to focus on domestic issues. Ironically, he’s the first POTUS not to come see his neighbours in the first year since Carter. I guess he doesn’t think much of Trudeau. I don’t blame him. But that’s another blog.

We don’t see him bow to others or obey their customs, why? Because he is American and Americans shake hands. He’s a man that way. He doesn’t cowtow to tradition and I think that is respectable for someone who is leading the USA. He represents his people for real. They are known around the world for being arrogant about their own customs while in foreign countries. He’s polite but he’s American and he won’t be anything less.

And after he’s been offensive to the rest of the world? What happens behind the closed doors? $110 billion arms deals with Saudi muslims, first ever sitting President to visit holy sepulchres in Israel and then right on to Palestine. He toured all of Europe and Asia meeting with dignitaries.  He’s shown respect in ways others haven’t. Which is strange coming from him. At least to me.

So getting back to the tweets? I think those are a brilliant distraction from what he really has up his sleeve. I think he’s comedian of the fucking year with how he handles his Presidency and I think he has a lot of people Trumped.

We’ll see!



Dealing With Responses

Sometimes you get an email from your mom after you sent her two emails that could have offended anything about her Christian and/or parental senses. And you’ve already had a bottle of wine so you are worried you will drunk respond to her email and you’re afraid to open it? That is me right now.
I’m sitting here fretting. Over what? I don’t know. I’m scared to read my mom’s email, I guess. I’m never good at responding after wine. I know whatever she has to say will trigger me.
Anger? Sadness? Feelings of shame? I could be in store for anything when I open that email. I could also be in store for kindness and understanding. My mom is not some monster. She loves me.
I mean, her nickname is ‘heart of stone’, but that doesn’t mean she has NO feelings. She has surprised me in the past with epic understanding. So, in fact? It means she is probably suffering from an inability to express her emotions because somewhere she was taught that was wrong and that has been part of why we struggle.
Sitting here afraid to even know what she is going to say is killing me. I want to read it so bad but I’m so scared of what I will read.
She is the most important, but not the only, person I have asked deep questions from lately.
Which begs to question why I would have put questions out there in the first place.  Am I longing so much for familial connection that I will risk all this emotional upset? I’m freaking out. BUT… I sent the initial contact asking questions.
To anyone I have asked the hard questions of lately….
Tell me. Because I am scared you won’t. Tell me. Even if I can’t deal with it. Tell me. I’ll respond badly. I can assure you.  But? Tell me.
And know, please, if you really love me? That as much anxiety as I might feel even before opening the email, no matter what it says, I love you.
I’m gonna go read that email now. I feel like I am going to suffocate.