Fulfilling Fantasies

I decided recently I want to knock some things off my sexual bucket list.

I started seeing someone who told me about a sexy website. He took me to a playroom for a date. When him and I had run our course? He introduced me to the guy I call my favourite playmate now.


And it got me thinking about all the things that have crossed my mind over the years and I have yet to try. My playmate is an open minded guy and he knows a lot of people in what you might call the fetish or kinkster lifestyle. I enlisted his help.

First to get knocked off the list was being with two guys at the same time. I always wanted to try that but felt like it would be too much work. They boys assured me if I had two of them at once it would be all about me.

And was it ever.

I never felt so spoiled sexually. They just kept taking turns pleasing me over and over. After we were done playing they kept telling me how beautiful I was and that they were so happy they could do that for me. It was then they suggested adding another guy.

What a rush. All three were so attentive. Taking turns. Taking breaks when it became too much. Making me feel so good.


And now I can say sex with more than one guy is off my bucket list.

My playmate has helped me arrange a few other things I will post about soon. And I still have things yet to fulfill but they are in the works.

My New Place

living room

When I split with the ex? The kind old lady whose cabin I loved living in thought it would be better if I moved on. She was a bit afraid of my ex. Rather than fight the issue I found a new place.

It’s pretty awesome that with such a housing shortage in my area I found a place within a couple weeks. When I viewed it? The landlord told me he had already showed a few other people but something about me made him want to rent to me. And I got it.

And I love it. In a building with only seven apartments I am the only upper suite. I have a little balcony. My place is cozy but perfectly sized for me. And it is a little retro in the kitchen area. I love the orange counters.


The bedroom fits my king size bed with room to spare.

I have fantastic landlords who really upkeep the place. I’m getting all new windows and a new sliding door this summer so my hydro bill won’t be as high next winter. They care for the property well and they tell me all the time they appreciate having me as a tenant.

And I have good neighbours. They are kind of crazy and qwerky but harmless. They are like funny characters in my soap opera life.

My downstairs neighbour, Rob, told me I’m the best neighbour he has ever had. He is the only one I need to worry about noise with and we both act respectfully about that. We call each other roomies with a floor between us. Brenda from down the way is a typical crazy cat lady. Main word being crazy. But she makes me laugh with all her strangeness.

I’m happy where I ended up. Is it my dream home? Nah. Not like the cabin was. But that dream died with my ex anyway. I think I found the next best thing.


The guy who offered the meth last time and I was told it was coke?

He found a way to connect with me outside of the things I blocked. And I am such a fucking moron. Sucker. User. Addict.

He only came over for sex. Not the greatest dick but he does other things well. He played with toys with me. He made sure I was certainly satisfied.

But he also did lines in front of me and left a plate of meth in my home.

We played and then he had to leave.

So at this moment? I am staring at lines of meth on my counter.

I want to wash them down the drain.  I really want to. I called a friend who will hopefully be able to come over in the middle of the night and take care of them.

Who thought staring at meth could keep you as awake as having done it? This is torture.

Does It Count?

A couple of weeks ago I encountered a situation where I was offered cocaine.

My main triggers are crack and meth so I am usually okay with being around people on coke. I was having fun with them. It was a new situation. I decided to do a line of coke. My first line in a decade.

I’m not sure why.  Maybe because I was tired and didn’t want the night to end. Maybe because I wanted the other parties involved to know I was cool with whatever they want to do even though it’s not my lifestyle.

Just one line.

I was up for two days.

And then the girl told me…. it was actually crushed up meth.

I’ve been so proudly clean from that demon for more than 7 years. If I had known it was meth I would have left the party without doing anything.

So I feel tricked and deceived. I feel so disappointed in myself for doing a line of  ‘coke’ that turned out to be meth. I feel like she took away my meth sobriety. I’m struggling with feelings of self hate because I made such a stupid decision.

I haven’t had a craving. I deleted all contact with the guy who brought it and the gal who led me to believe it was something else. And I have been mostly hibernating in my misery of knowing that happened.

I have been meditating. I did some cleansing. I’m trying to get over the emotions I am feeling about this.  I am trying to avoid alcohol as much as possible. But I feel so alone in this.

This is the first I am admitting I am no longer able to say I haven’t done meth in 7 years.

I want for it not to count because I was not told it was something other than cocaine. But even knowing I chose to do one line of coke makes me feel horrible. I have epically failed in so many ways in my life and this is just one more. I wish I could take it back.

I need to re-focus myself. I need to think about some of the self destructive choices I make. And while I know I still would never knowingly do meth again in my life? I don’t want to make this kind of mistake again.


Blanket Boy


I have a special guy in my life. We have all kinds of sexy fun together. He sorta got me hooked on a website for people who are looking to expand their sexual horizons.

And, boy, have I!

One morning a couple months ago I was at home with my playmate when I got a message online from a guy asking if he could come and join us.

Playmate said, “Of course.”

Online guy asked if he could wear a blanket over his face and just jerk off on me while my playmate fucked me. Figuring it was just a COVID thing I said sure.

And that is exactly what happened. He showed up at my door with a giant blanket wrapped around his head like a face turban, we went to the bedroom and my playmate pleased me while young buck stroked it.

When he was about to cum? He politely asked if he could finish on my panties. Sure. And then my playmate took it to the next level by flipping me around, taking my lacy panties and shoving them in my mouth so blanket boy could shoot his load all over my face and panties at the same time.

And then blanket boy left.

It was a crazy short experience that had me laughing all day. Just at the interesting-ness of it. It was funny and hot all at once.

How could this story get better, right?

I met another guy from the same website. We decided to go for a hike to some nude river spot on the Nanaimo River. As we walked the trail we ran into a guy who asked if we were headed to Pink Rock. We were. That’s the naked place. He asked to walk with us. Sure.


As we hiked along he started asking me questions and told me I look familiar. Eventually he just outright asked if I was on the website I am on. I told him I was. He told me he had met me with my playmate but had worn a blanket.

I was face to face with blanket boy. He was cute, too!

He ended up joining me and my friend down at the river and once again stuffed my panties in my mouth to jerk off on my face LOL Only this time I was getting fingered and licked (under water) by a new friend. Again, it was short-lived but hot!

I have never even touched the guy.  I’m not sure what makes a guy think a girl derives pleasure from having them stroke out a load on their face. At least I had other men there each time to take care of me. And I did get some pleasure out of it.

And I have a pretty cool story out of it too.


The Final Act

My ex and I broke up for the final time last October (2019).

One morning he became very angry. I don’t really remember what is was about. I do remember he tossed me around the room like a rag doll. He smashed my head against the door frame of our bedroom so badly it broke the door. And when I was sitting on the floor trying to recover from being dizzy he pushed me into the wall so hard I ended up with a concussion.

I waited a day and a half to go to the police. I just wanted it on record but the RCMP took one look at me and as I gave a statement they went and removed him from the home and placed him under arrest.

I haven’t seen him since.

I have permanent neck and head injuries. I will be on cortisone shots for the rest of my life. I had to move out of my dream home because the landlord felt it was just too much drama.

The Crown wanted me to appear in court to testify against him but I didn’t feel like I could. So she asked what I did want. I told her I wanted him to go through mandatory counseling and to have a permanent order that he is never allowed to contact me or approach me again. And I wanted this to be on his record incase he does this to anyone else. The judge agreed to that, finally, in May 2020. It is all done.

At first it was so hard to deal with being alone. Trying to find new housing in my area was a challenge but I was able to. Packing to move and getting rid of his things he never took were a challenge as well. He left me his shitty broken car to deal with.

It’s been nine months though and I feel like I have really mustered up and overcome. Because of the court order I don’t have to worry about him contacting me (he has totally obeyed the court so far).

I’m meeting new people. Meditating. Exercising. Experiencing new adventures. And I am writing again. I am over him and finally out from under his thumb.

Surviving like a boss!

He’s Really Just A Guy

I asked once if he might ever feel like being a boyfriend. He told me he would make a terrible boyfriend. I accept that.

He had already sang me love songs. He loves to play his guitar. He even got me in on playing his bongo type drum as he played. He started teaching me how to practice my fingers if I want to play guitar. But he mostly just sings or plays love songs for me.

Then one night in drunken utterance after too much wine? He said he loved me. I said I loved him. But that was drunk talk, right?

Still? He cooks for me. He brings over all these fancy ingredients and he makes a horrible mess of my kitchen while he makes me the most awesome dinner. And a big salad. I bought a blender because he loves smoothies in the morning, not coffee. (I’m on the fence about this) He’s the healthiest eating guy I know who still has a chocolate drawer I can raid whenever I am there.

He is introducing me to so many movies I have never seen. Classics from everything Quentin Tarantino and obscure movies like Devil.

He plays music for me. He listens to music I like even if it makes him cringe a bit. And then he LITERALLY plays music for me on his guitar as he sings me epic loves songs.

Roy Orbison’s Mystery Girl? Amazing.

I help him clean his space for when he has other guests. I act as the helper monkey when he cooks. I try to be as kind to him as he is to me but never feel like I measure up. (that is me thinking that because he has never made me feel insignificant about anything even once)

With him? I have freedom to explore my sexuality. With him or without him being there. All the doors are open. And I/we explore that. Which could be where drunk I love you’s come from.

However, I don’t think my “I love you” was drunk talk. I might actually love him. And I don’t know it it’s reciprocal. I don’t know if I care if it’s reciprocal. Maybe it’s just nice to know I can still love someone.

He is really just a guy. But he makes me feel so awesome.

Welcome Back?

I guess it’s about time I started writing again.

Paul and I split. That will be a post all it’s own.

I started exploring new sexual things. They will be posts all their own. But they are amazing stories with pics. Things I dreamt of?  Happened for me.

I moved to this amazing place. Still on my island but a place I had no memories in except the ones I have chosen to make. My neighbours are like awesome new characters in the story of my life. My landlords love me. I have a tiny balcony I can tan topless on.

I’m still drinking but still making steps to cut back.

I’ve gained about 30 lbs and because I am terrified of slipping back to my old body I started, recently, to exercise more than walking to the liquor store.

I will post recent pics soon. Even the tame ones.

I hope I can keep up with this because I want back in the writing game.