I do not regret my time I spent with my ex.
He changed my life in so many ways. He helped me out of hard drugs. He and I had the most adventurous times of our life together. He started me on a path to learn about music. He showed me how to start a chainsaw. He took pictures of me when he thought I wasn’t looking because he thought I was beautiful. He taught me things that helped me see politics from other angles. He accepted my craziness most of the time. He let me have freedom to do what I want. He spent a decade with me and it is part of who I am.
Hold up… “he let me have freedom”?
That is exactly the ideology I needed to let go of. “Letting me” do anything makes anyone the wrong one for me.
It took the final break-up for me to feel like I could be free. Not free of him, free of my own commitment to a relationship which was already unhealthy for so many reasons from both sides of the equation.
I will always be grateful for my time with him. He changed me.
I’m laying any thoughts about him to rest now. I hope that with meditation he never crosses my mind again.
Yep. I need to make some changes in my life.
We all know Shaunda drinks. Cutting back might be a change. We all know Shaunda is a slut. Not filling a void with meaningless sex might be a change. We all know Shaunda likes to take filthy pics or any pics and post them whenever or wherever. I’m pretty sure that will only change by type of pictures.
So, Happy New Year. I have made some decisions about my next year and I want to write about them.
My blog might become less sexual. That’s a goal, not a promise.
I really want to write about transforming my life. I got away from a repressed and abusive relationship. I stayed away. And I explored whatever was out there to have and behold. In all of that? I stayed sober from hard drugs when they were offered. I continued to be a self sustained person. I met wonderful people who will be lifelong friends. I renewed relationships with family and friends from my past. I didn’t just survive, I thrived.
Thriving gives me hope for the coming year.
As a thriver I plan to continue to change. Slow down on the alcohol for sure. I cut off the drive-by sex guys in favour of ones who want to at least spend a bit of time. I got an elliptical machine to help with the weight I have gained. I plan to blog about that process with before, during and after pictures. Just doing it on my own with a poor person budget. I hope it will help others. And I want to reconnect with more people from my past who love and support me as I am and where I am at.
Happy New Year to anyone who reads this. I hope you find ways to thrive.