Build An Ark (My Stripper Song LOL)

NOTE: THIS IS MEANT TO BE FUNNY AND IN NO WAY MAKING LIGHT OF CHILD SEXUAL SITUATIONS. IT’S JUST A PART OF SOMETHING THAT SHAPED ME

I am so grateful that Paul will take pictures of me, so self exposing, and has no issues (as my partner) with my sharing them into the world. He did remind me one day recently, “Shaunda, everyone in the world who reads your blog gets to see your cunt. Sometimes my friends read it.”

I looked at him and said, “I told you that pic was for my blog to show your point of view.” He agreed. “You know anyone who has my last name or my previous webcam name can find pictures of my pussy online already anyway?” Of course he does but he reminded me he has never searched for them himself.

I asked if he was upset about me showing it. It was a strange conversation but in the end I get the feeling he just wanted to remind me that online is forever and if I want anything private I shouldn’t put it online.

I assured him I have always wanted to show it.

My ‘privates’ have never been private. I shared them in church as a pre-schooler by exposing them every time people bowed for prayer. I let other kids touch them all the time while growing up. My ‘best friend’ and I used to look at and touch each others ‘privates’ on the regular when we were in kindergarten to grade 3.

As I grew older, got a bone disease and gained weight? I lost a body I wanted to show off.  What I was left with was fantasy.

My fantasy ran wild with ideas of me being thin enough to be in the porn mags I read in the barn or stole from the store. I longed to be a stripper and would practice in my bedroom to the only music I was really allowed.

The Cathedrals. This is the link for the music. Build An Ark

Did you listen?

Now picture a slightly chubby, 11 year old girl. Her only desire is to have her pussy looked at. She has the most vague concept that ‘strippers’ take clothes off to music. Banished to clean her bedroom? She cranks her tunes on loud and while dancing around her bedroom she mimicks what she thinks a stripper would do.

I knew instinctively that ‘stripping’ should kind of go with the lyrics. I would make wild hammering motions, twirling like my figure skating lessons, ‘building my ark’ and getting naked out of my church approved culottes while my song played over and over (no, not repeat…  rewind and replay LOL)

I’m pretty sure my stripping skills have improved but I think one day for comedic purposes I should get out my camera and tool belt and find some sexy way to ‘Build An Ark”

 

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Shaving Cream

I have a weird sense of music. It could be that I grew up not being able to explore all genres. It could be because I have some twisted humour in me.

This song cracks me up. It is the most ridiculous thing and I waltz around my living room with my cat when I put it on (not often).

It’s like the Fast Food Rockers! Silliest thing I watch but I actually dance around the room and “EAT! To the beat!”

There is no one in my life who has any appreciation for my playlist. But it’s alright! I can dance to any of my silly songs and have fun on my own!

The One’s I Used To Know

I have a lot of lost people in my life. Hell, I’m lost myself. And I realize this song is more about a love lost than general relationship. But it has me thinking.

I’m sure I am someone that someone ‘used to know’.

But if they are still there in your mind and soul? Did you ‘used to’ know them?  If they come to your mind regularly. If they are a part of what shaped you as a human being. Why do people have to be someone you ‘used to know’?

I have so many people in my past that I regret not knowing better, I regret losing contact with and regret causing pain to. I want to make amends.

I don’t want to be someone they ‘used to know’.

I Choose Shaunda!

My ex and I have been on and off again about reconciliation so much.  Each of our communities are against it for their own reasons. I understand the concern of our respective friends. They each love us, separately, while they watch us both love and hurt each other through OUR journey.

Interference like that? Whether it comes from my friends, enemies, family, his community or ANYONE else? Regardless if it comes from care, jealousy, anger or naivety about the truth of us?

I’m done with it!

I have all kinds of people in my life who would like to be my friend. Some have intentions that are more. Even my ex. How much of the decision to take care of his stuff’ is because he wants to put it behind us so he can be with me?

I’m feeling pressure from all kinds of people to ‘chose sides’ on various issues from family things to relationship things.

So I made  choice today!

I’m only finally coming out of a deep depression. Even facing the death of my dad, bullying adventures, up’s n down’s with my ex? I’m still coming out of this funk.

Now that I am am getting out? I don’t need pressure. Not from friends/family, not from my park community, not from the men who are helping me out  as friends, not from my ex.

So I choose Shaunda!! And right now? Shaunda is dancing. Anyone who wants can join me on my dance floor. But that’s where I am. If you have any kinda judgement? Get off my dance floor!

Oh Canada

Oh… Canada

I care about heritage. I am proud Swedish and Irish on my mother’s side. My biological father is American. By adoption? Icelandic and English.

And for the longest time I was proud Canadian. I had Canada Day parties. Red and white through and through.

As my politics changed, I became less statist and more anarchist or voluntaryist. I think I let my anger at my government cloud my pride for the people and the country that I live in.

Fuck the government. But the people in Canada and the beauty of the land? They are worth celebrating being Canadian!

Celebrate

Celebrate

Wow! This song talks about being a mess up and losing the person you love but knowing you want go home when you get better. And remember it all be ok. And it takes time but when you get there you want the whole world to celebrate.

It was a great song to dance to today!

Pin Up Girl

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Candyman

One of my favorite things about this song is the video. Christina Aguilera is dressed up as every pin-up girl.

When I take my pictures I like either a pin up look or a roller derby look. This a bit of both.

Sexy Eyes

Sexy Eyes

cum on my chin

When I was 22 I took my first ever vacation! By myself, first time on a plane, to a place I had dreamed of.

On my discman (yes, a CD) I played Whigfield over and over.

People have told me often that my blue eyes are my best feature.

This song not only makes me feel beautiful but it brings back memories of a wonderful trip where I was strong enough to do things alone and face new things with smiles.

Today it still has me dancing, smiling, feeling strong and my eyes are shining so sexy!