He Changed Me

I do not regret my time I spent with my ex.

He changed my life in so many ways. He helped me out of hard drugs. He and I had the most adventurous times of our life together. He started me on a path to learn about music. He showed me how to start a chainsaw. He took pictures of me when he thought I wasn’t looking because he thought I was beautiful. He taught me things that helped me see politics from other angles. He accepted my craziness most of the time. He let me have freedom to do what I want. He spent a decade with me and it is part of who I am.

Hold up… “he let me have freedom”?

That is exactly the ideology I needed to let go of. “Letting me” do anything makes anyone the wrong one for me.

It took the final break-up for me to feel like I could be free. Not free of him, free of my own commitment to a relationship which was already unhealthy for so many reasons from both sides of the equation.

I will always be grateful for my time with him. He changed me.

I’m laying any thoughts about him to rest now. I hope that with meditation he never crosses my mind again.

Who Wants To Hear About The Orgy?

WARNING: This post contains explicit pictures and verbiage. Please don’t read it if you don’t like this kind of writing.

I have a really terrific woman in my life. We play together. Share our men. We get along great. She is older than I am. Like 60. But she is sexy and has a pussy I envy. It’s the tightest lil’ thing I have ever pushed my fingers in.

Recently, she coordinated a party. I attended, brought my favourite playmate and so much fun ensued.

Over the evening there was four men and us two girls.

And, of course, I pleased her well.

I lapped at her pussy as she rode cock after cock. The above pic is of me eating her ass while she is riding her fave guy.

Big D was there. He likes to sit and watch us get cream-filled before he takes his turn. He’s loves sloppy seconds. Thirds…. I’m pretty sure it was him who kept saying, “Switch” every few minutes as her and I were face to face on the bed. Kissing, laughing and loving every minute of these men spoiling us.

Slutty? For sure. But I’m kind of blessed to have a good group of guys who don’t treat me like a whore. They make me feel beautiful and sexy as they take their turns on me. And my girlfriend is such a fun and sexy goddess. I’m sure we will have more tales to tell in the future for sure!

Relationships (AKA Who I’m Fucking ) Update

Okay, so I am still dating Forest Gump. Also dating a cop (that looks like Mario from Donkey Kong). Had a date with the grocery store meat guy (I want the best cuts of meat LOL) but turns out he doesn’t eat pussy. So that’s a no. I’ve seen Big D. The orgy? I’ll write an entirely different post about that one.

The only person I have not seen in a long time? Is the one I want the most.

Forest Gump – He’s completely daft. He has already told me I am the perfect woman for him. I told him that is not true. I made it clear, again, he does not know me well enough to say that. He buys me odd but thoughtful gifts. Looms and wool so I can make toques. A Nintendo backpack. I don’t like video games but this is actually kind of a cool pack. He wants me to meet his family. He unloaded all that on the third date. It was date two when he said he loved me LMAO.

He does fuck like a champion. He’s eager to please me in any way I want. He gives foot rubs. He eats pussy, well. Nice cock even if it’s average. But he is also open to anything I suggest.

Also, a Mormon. He has this sex vs sin thing that affects him. Sometimes it is hot and other times not so much.

Mario (cop, so maybe Super Mario) – He likes to hike. He took me to a nude river. He’s kind. Even if I don’t feel like fucking he will drive the hour to see me anyway. He took me garage saling (a passion of mine) and I found amazing things.

He’s an eager lover. Wants to please. Average cock. Seriously open minded. There are some things I want to explore with him. However, I have yet to feel passion. That could be my fault for not really expressing what I need when I am with him. I’m bad for that.

We did hangout together recently where we spent our first night together in the same bed. He doesn’t snore and he doesn’t try to over-cuddle. Bonus points for that!

Big D – I don’t see him as much as I’d like but I do still see him. See the post titled Big D if you want the details LOL

Still I miss my favourite guy. He’s been busy and sick and whatever else excuse. I never gave him a nickname like the others. I hear from him every once in a while. Like once a week maybe a text. And see him every two weeks or sometimes three. A far cry from every day and night like last Spring. He tells me why he can’t or doesn’t see me. I am choosing to believe what he shares with me. I want to be compassionate. But I miss him.

The sex? He gets me off every time we get sexy. He’ll do whatever. He joins me on playdates. He is so open to everything. Great cock. Waking up to him, either his bed or mine, is my favourite.

What I crave from him though? I want to hear him sing to me. I want him to play obscure albums for me while we cook epic, healthy food together. I want to fall asleep on his couch as we watch classic movies on VHS.

So that is the update. Who I’m fucking and who I am not. Of course it doesn’t include the one-off’s. They’ll each get a story when I am up to writing more.


When it come to dating where do you compromise?

Looks? Super nice, cute guy but has more body hair than you like. That’s a compromise. Maybe he’s super crazy about his man-bun you want to chop off but he’s generous and kind to everyone around you. Do you compromise?

Maybe you are a ‘princess’ type that needs to be spoiled and he doesn’t quite make the bankroll for that. But he’s chivalrous enough to plan a date that is romantic and within his budget. Do you compromise?

I find those things easy to compromise on.

I can’t date someone who’s lacking in intelligence. If I use the word ‘derogatory’ and you need to ask what that means? That is where I cannot compromise. I am never the most smart person in the room, however, I can’t make myself dumb down to have a conversation.

I had a wonderful date with a really nice guy. He was romantic, kind and so funny. However I realized quickly I couldn’t use big words around him.

He didn’t know what ‘inundated’ meant. He had no clue what I meant when I referred to someone as a snowflake. He was clueless about any current affairs. (I don’t watch TV or MSM and I am still moderately caught up) (Oh, and I had to tell him was MSM is)

He was a super nice, cute guy. We had fun together and he taught me a new crafting skill. I would be okay with hanging out as friends but he made it clear he’s looking for more.

If I am not willing to compromise about intelligence… how do I tell him WHY I can’t see him anymore?

Once Upon A Time….

Once upon a time I fell madly in love with a Nazi.

To be truthful? He is one of the most amazing of  persons I have ever met.

We had a wild romance and became engaged.

It ended over two things.

A family member who never met him told me he was not allowed at a family holiday event. And I was doing hard drugs at the time.

The Nazi didn’t know about either. I didn’t go to my family Christmas and he learned about the drugs shortly after.

And it ended.

I’ve apologized to him. He has become an online friend since then. More than the cousin who told me not to come to Christmas.

I don’t make my life out to be who I affiliate with.

I know a lot of gays. I know people post trans surgery. I know bikers. I know thugs. I know Christians. I know so many people from all walks of life.

Once upon a time I probably knew someone like you.

And I love you all.

Dear Morning Wood

WARNING: XXX verbiage

You already know I love your morning wood.

Today? I only have imagination….

I love it when we have fallen asleep together. I roll over in the night and end up touching myself in my sleep. Then I wake up to you. Your eyes open and you instinctively reach for me.

I enjoy your morning touch.

I crave the way you put me into any position you want me. Spread my legs and hold me down. Roll me over and take me from behind. Sometimes eating me from either direction.

Your tongue on me in me in the morning? You must love the taste of me. Your tongue makes me feel beauty.

When you open me up with your fingers? I gasp a bit because I know you are going to give me exactly what I want. You are willing and wanting to do anything I say.

I can’t believe the way I gasp and moan under your touch.

When you enter me? I feel so excited to pleasure you. However you want to take me I am thrilled to oblige you.

And when you cum? I know it’s for me.

I love your morning wood.

The Final Act

My ex and I broke up for the final time last October (2019).

One morning he became very angry. I don’t really remember what is was about. I do remember he tossed me around the room like a rag doll. He smashed my head against the door frame of our bedroom so badly it broke the door. And when I was sitting on the floor trying to recover from being dizzy he pushed me into the wall so hard I ended up with a concussion.

I waited a day and a half to go to the police. I just wanted it on record but the RCMP took one look at me and as I gave a statement they went and removed him from the home and placed him under arrest.

I haven’t seen him since.

I have permanent neck and head injuries. I will be on cortisone shots for the rest of my life. I had to move out of my dream home because the landlord felt it was just too much drama.

The Crown wanted me to appear in court to testify against him but I didn’t feel like I could. So she asked what I did want. I told her I wanted him to go through mandatory counseling and to have a permanent order that he is never allowed to contact me or approach me again. And I wanted this to be on his record incase he does this to anyone else. The judge agreed to that, finally, in May 2020. It is all done.

At first it was so hard to deal with being alone. Trying to find new housing in my area was a challenge but I was able to. Packing to move and getting rid of his things he never took were a challenge as well. He left me his shitty broken car to deal with.

It’s been nine months though and I feel like I have really mustered up and overcome. Because of the court order I don’t have to worry about him contacting me (he has totally obeyed the court so far).

I’m meeting new people. Meditating. Exercising. Experiencing new adventures. And I am writing again. I am over him and finally out from under his thumb.

Surviving like a boss!

The Hope Chest

When my grandma died she left me her hope chest. Cedar lined and so beautiful. It was the only piece of furniture I dragged to Alberta with me when I left Winnipeg. I had it in my tent.

When we left Alberta it was on foot and we both had to give up anything we could not carry in a back pack. My grandma’s hope chest was left behind with a little girl I babysat and had come to love.

Today? My boyfriend surprised me by taking me to a second hand store. He’d found some T-shirts but also a chest. Did I want it? It reminded him of my grandma’s. And it should. It’s a duplicate.


My grandma’s was in great condition on the outside. I had managed to bang it up inside through moves. An ex broke into it so the lock was broken. And it smelled more like ‘how to hide my shit’ than cedar when I left it behind.

This ‘new’ one? The outside is so banged up like it saw a life that was moved around, etc. I wasn’t sure about it until I opened it. The inside? It still has the lining covering the cedar. Nothing was ever stored in it and it smells so fresh.

I gave up something I loved dearly. My boyfriend knew that. Today it was replaced with a perfect duplicate.

Perfect why? It will still remind me of my grandma. Only this one is more like me. Banged up on the outside with a fresh new start on the inside.


I’m THAT Friend

We all have a THAT friend.

What is THAT? Talks to much, swears too much, is inappropriate at the worst times. Dressses too slutty? Always needs to borrow money without paying back? The friend that goes back to every bad relationship? Drinks too much. Smokes too much.  Is over-controversial. Too political?

I’m not all THAT. Maybe a few though.

What else is THAT? The friend who will always babysit for free so you can have a girls night or make it to your sports game. The one who remembers you so hard they look you up after 25 years. The one who helps pack boxes and move? The one who shows up at the hospital to hold your hand while your loved one dies? How about THAT friend who will will always lend you money even if you don’t pay it back? Or sends letters so you get love in the mail.

I’d like to think I am more of THAT friend.

Okay, I’m crazy in my own ways. But I will never forget you and I will always have your back in any way I can! (And I always pay my debts LOL I’m NOT that friend) I value my friendships sometimes more than my family.

I’m THAT friend.

Cleaning The Pipes


So in the past four months? My period has been sporadic a bit. Dark (like colour), arriving at will instead of on time and one particular one was extraordinarily painful.

I was worried enough to as a couple sister-friends online. I was blaming it on being on peri-menopausal and not currently under doctor care. They thought ovarian cysts and all kinds of other issues. However, the pain subsided. Because I don’t have a doctor it has gone unchecked.


This month? I took full sexual advantage of my hormones during my PMS.

For the past two days? I have forced my BF to sexually perform every night after he gets home. I mean, he gets greeted with dinner and drinks but when he’s done?

I tell him exactly what to do and how to fuck me. I make him take me in the shower to get the filth of his workday off him. Then we take it to the bed. I’ve been making him fuck me especially hard. Crying out and making noises he’s never heard as I’ve taken every inch of him in ways I haven’t before. Over the top hot love-making.


Two nights in a row of hard fucking and I bled. But this time it doesn’t hurt. It’s not dark. I don’t feel discomfort. It’s bright red and healthy looking menstrual blood.

(Bwaa ha ha, met someone who puts that stuff in their plants? Um, no!)

So, I’m thinking? Sometime a girl just needs to be really opened up. Fully penetrated, deep, hard and almost painful. Because we all need to clean the pipes!

I know I feel better.