Stealing My Outlet

I have six posts waiting in the drafts of my blog. I haven’t been posting as much as I want. Why?

When my ex was contacting me for a while there? Facebook got blocked. He switched to texting and email. I answered his messages but always ended with, “Please stop.”, “Please leave me alone.” .

I justified some of the contact. He had to give me his new phone number so when people called about his medical appointments I had something to give them. His health is not something I will fuck with. He is sick. So I thanked him for the update. Which engaged him in a short conversation where I had to remind him again I want no contact. None. NO CONTACT.

He was responding anonymously to my blog and I had to remove some of his comments. I reminded him no contact means no contact. He messaged my friend. I reminded him no contact means even through my friends.

And it stopped for a bit. Until he found my dating profile. He responded to it with his own on the dating site. I reminded him no contact was no contact. He responded to my blogs about some of those dates and situations. I asked him again to leave me alone.

His latest tactic. He started his own blog. And he followed mine with his so I know it is there.  I have never read his. I’m trying desperately to move on. I don’t need to know about his innermost thoughts anymore and I am not sure why he is so obsessed with torturing himself with mine.

What this means though? Every time I write a post that he even likes? His face will come through my notifications.  He doesn’t even have to contact me now to be in my face.

I don’t want him to like my stuff. I don’t want his face in front of me all the time. And I feel like he did that purposely. I feel like he is stealing my outlet because I don’t want to write for him to read anymore. And I could block him but he’d just go back to anonymous anyway.

I’m not angry. I’m not scared of him. I’m just so tired of this already. And I feel like I am losing my place to have my voice heard. And that scares me. I can’t lose this.