I was raped (Raped). I have done things with men I would not normally do because it benefited me. I have also participated in sexual acts with men because I was afraid of what I would lose if I didn’t. People in positions of power (bosses, landlords, etc).
My own personal choices influence what I am about to write. There will be people who think I am so off base but I need to get this bullshit out of my head. I’ve been plagued by it since my friend told me I should have used the sex scandals in my opinion LOL (Rumination)
As I’ve been hearing or reading about the Hollywood sexual misconduct scandals (Weinstein, Spacey and now Louis CK) I haven’t paid too much attention.
When it started with Weinstein? My initial thought was, “I always thought Hollywood executives had their way with actresses. Isn’t that how those women get ahead? ” I know some have stood up against that and their career has suffered. That furthers the idea women need to perform to get ‘in’ in Hollywood. I mean, that is how it is portrayed in Hollywood movies and TV shows. Right?
Some women went to Hollywood with such a big dream. Hollywood taught them how to make it happen. So they showered with or fucked or let an ugly man go down on them because they thought they could get ahead.
I read some stuff about Kevin Spacey and, sadly, though I respect his acting, I think some of those accusations are really sad. He’s one I think took advantage of underage men.
However, one of his accusers has a story that is ancient history. He is 64 now and is talking about what he experienced when he was 27 and Spacey was younger than him (22). Really? You’re an out-of-the-closet man complaining about the sex a 22 year old Hollywood star had with you in the day gay sex was so taboo? Really? Stop complaining and start bragging. (sorry, just how I feel)
I haven’t begun to read the allegations against Jeremy Piven, Dustin Hoffman and Steven Seagal. I probably won’t. Most of the things I read make me angry.
I have done some research on Louis CK. He’s one of my favourite comics. I know he’s told some dirty things in his routine in the past. A lot of what he has been accused of has been a part of his act. Jerking of in front of women? He jokes about his shame. He spoke about it in 2011 (Self Deprecation About Masturbation)
I have a deep appreciation for his statement. Read it. He accepts responsibility. He always received consent but looking back can see how ‘being in a position he was’ made it difficult for women to say NO. (Louis CK Statement)
Now? My own thoughts on these accusations.
If you say NO it is rape. No question.
If you consent to any sexual act because you think it will further career, you’re afraid your career will suffer, you think he’s ugly but he’s famous, he offers to make you a star, takes you out for dinner/drinks, need your rent paid… whatever the fuck reason you say yes… you still said YES.
Take it from someone who has said yes and had regrets. You don’t get to cry rape or misconduct. The only misconduct is how many women are popping out of the woodwork since the first allegations to say, “Oh wait, I didn’t want those advances I said yes to either.”
Yes, if they were underage it was wrong. If they said no? It was rape. But the majority of allegations I read admit to giving consent. WTF?
The majority of accusations came from 2010ish. 2010 people. Not 1960.
Women have had a voice for decades. They could say no and report it. Except they wanted their career. And felt it was threatened. So THEY chose to compromise themselves and say yes. In the height of feminism, acceptance of all sorts, some people chose to ‘sell’ themselves short. Use their body to get their way. That is prostitution, not rape.
What have we come to in society that we can go back ten years to blame others for our poor choices and regrets? So you said yes and didn’t get the part? Now you cry rape? Maybe you did get the part but now you feel like you compromised yourself to get it. Your regret to saying yes does not make it rape.
As a person who has said NO? I think those complaints marginalize rape victims. I’ve said yes with regret. I don’t call that rape. But I have been raped as well. Saying yes and crying rape after? Does an injustice to rape victims.
I know the difference between when I said no and when I said yes for a benefit I regretted after. Only one is rape.
I feel bad for some of the men being called out and shamed. They are having their lives, marriages and careers destroyed by women who didn’t have the balls to say no when they wanted to.
I mean what if every groupie who fucked a rock star comes out of the woodwork?