Every couple has those moments throughout a break up where they are still trying. You’re still madly in love and trying to forgive. You’re both changing so much. Changing because you are now faced with being alone. Changing as you try to understand your part in things versus your partners. Trying to figure out where you can and cannot compromise. Changing for your own healing.
I’ve discovered changing for each other, or to salvage the relationship, led me to avoid my own personal change. I was focused on what I needed to do to be with him. And I was failing all around because it was for all the wrong reason.
When does that end? When is okay to say you are putting yourself first, even if it means moving on? When IS enough, enough?
I can’t pinpoint it exactly, but there are all kinds of things that came together for me. I accepted it’s not working no matter how much we both legitimately tried. We both realized it is doing more damage to try working it out. He is the one who said it first. I agreed.
When he asked me to stop responding to him because he needed to let go? I stopped.
We’ve done that before, but this was different. Things were done and said that we can’t come back from. As a result of stopping the communication I’ve had time to reflect on the entire situation. I feel the impact of those words and what they mean for my life.
The most significant difference I’ve noticed this time compared to others? This over and over rigmarole used to keep me in tears, however, when I accepted the only way to end it was to cut ties? I accepted the words at face value and the tears stopped.
I’ve had plenty of time to reflect and decide what I want. I want is to do what I need instead of what I want.
My ex has been in contact since. He referred to what is going on with us as a break.
I was strong enough, for the first time, to say ,”This is not a break, it’s a break-up. Things were said and done that cannot be recovered from.” He responded well to my honesty.
Today I will saw him to separate the one last connection. Banking. GST doesn’t come in for a few days but I am giving his payment early and taking care of anything owed between us. We have no reason for contact after today. I need it that way.
And it took a while, but now I want it that way!