Accidental Baiting

So. You’re a single alcoholic who’s trying to mingle. Not to meet a partner, just to meet people. Then…

You end up at some BBQ and an appropriately aged guy comes by to say hi. You’ve had barely a drink. Even though you are nervous you accept the conversation. Suddenly, you are so engaged that he is refilling your drinks at a more reasonable pace you are used to doing yourself. You’d rather talk about art or boating or whatever it is he is talking about . In three hours? You’ve had less than three drinks. You’ve had food as well. Tipsy but witty. He enjoys seeing you interact with everyone around you because you’re practically sober (compared to usual) and he asks to see you again.

Woo hoo! You wait all day for it. Because you are an alcoholic? You probably drink something in your coffee that morning. Maybe more. But you eat and nap so that by the time you get picked up? You are only a half glass of wine in.

At dinner? He orders a cocktail for appies, but soda for dinner. You had a glass of wine with appies and he offers another. Did he stop because he is driving? You have ONE more glass of wine and stretch it out until dessert. He orders a piece of something fancy, you order an Irish coffee.

The conversation? Similar schooling. Religious ideologies? All the same. Laughing at each others jokes, even the double en tendre types. Connection.

So? You’ve had three drinks to his one and you are still as sober as he is. You already have wine waiting at home. He’s the gentleman of the century, takes you for a drive and drops you off.

You run in the house and within an hour that wine is GONE!

You presented well on first meeting and first date. He’s kind and chivalrous. You connected. He wants to see you again.

At what point do you tell someone you’ve met, that you think is amazing and have a connection with, “I’m a alcoholic and as much fun as I am having with you? I don’t want to hurt anyone else with my own issues. So as much as I like you, and because I like you… walk away!”?

I just want to be honest with people. I don’t want to ‘bait’ someone with my sparkling personality while I am sober only for them to find out I drink more than they realize. And even though I have cut back and it is something I am working on? I never want to be with someone who will judge me for the issues I am already working on. Judgement makes it more difficult. I learned that.

So at what point do you get honest enough to tell someone who you think is cool, “By the way, I day drink more than  once a week.”?